Russian PSA: Quit It With The Selfies If You Want To Live

The global war on selfies continues on. The first salvo was launched here in America, with many institutions banning selfie sticks for any number of reasons (mostly safety). But our inoculation has failed and the scourge of the selfie has spread to Mother Russia, infecting the youth there at what is apparently insane levels, considering some of the suggestions in this Russian pamphlet detailing how not to die for a sweet selfie.

Now, I don't speak Russian, so I'm relying on the pictures and some translation work done by Gawker here, but the lesson I'm learning from this message from the Russian government is that the Russian people are awesome. Are there, for instance, Russians popping wheelies on their boats while taking selfies? Are they regularly reaching out to pet Siberian tigers with a camera phone in their other hand? Are they train dodging while selfie-ing?!? If so, the Russian youth are exactly my kind of awesome.

The Russian government, of course, disagrees.

That warning comes after a string of recent selfie-related accidents. In May, a 21-year-old woman accidentally shot herself in the head in Moscow while taking a selfie holding a pistol. She suffered injuries but survived. In January, two young men died in the Urals while taking a selfie holding a hand grenade with the pin pulled out. The mobile phone with the selfie survived as a record. In May, a teenager in the Ryazan region died while attempting to photograph himself as he climbed on a railway bridge and accidentally came into contact with live electrical wires.

"Unfortunately we have noted recently that the number of accidents caused by lovers of self-photography is constantly increasing," said Yelena Alexeyeva, an aide to the interior minister. "Since the beginning of the year we are talking about some hundred cases of injuries for sure."

And apparently the cure for the Russian selfie scourge is bland government pamphlets that include such memorably punchy lines as, "A selfie in the street? You may catch more than clicks", and, "Selfie on the roof -- it'll be a high fall." If these are the best tools we have in the war on the selfie, it's probably just better that we all admit defeat and embrace the sweet death that will come upon us soon. The only question now is how to get a sweet selfie of myself dying from getting a sweet selfie?

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