Suzuki Vitara – car review

'I could hear its Eeyore voice as I pummelled it into second gear, "Really? Driving again?"'

The Suzuki Vitara is the reverse of the tardis, looking larger and fancier, only from the outside. Inside, the displays are maddening: slow touchscreen, slower satnav, a radio that stops and starts for no reason, a parking camera in permanent panic mode and a "you're about to crash into the person in front of you" alarm. I figured out that's what it was only because of the illustration: one car, another car and a giant comic-book star between them. I would say this feature makes you more, rather than less, likely to crash.

And how would that crash come about? Certainly not through a sudden burst of speed. It's 0-62mph is 12 seconds, far faster than anyone but a getaway driver would have call for, yet nevertheless the most sluggish I've driven for months, and you can feel a certain reluctance from the minute you turn on the engine. I could hear its Eeyore voice as I pummelled it into second gear, "Really? Driving again? Wouldn't you rather just stay at home?"