Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving – review
"Death, like the sun, cannot can be looked at steadily," La Rochefoucauld wrote in 1678 - a line that sounds modern because what it describes is as true as ever. This is a book to make time for precisely because it faces a subject most of us shy away from. Julia Samuel is a grief psychotherapist who has spent 25 years working in the NHS at St Mary's hospital, Paddington, and in private practice. She suggests not only that death is hard to contemplate but that we are discomfited by the idea of grief, encouraged to put a good face on loss and hasten towards "a new normal" (ghastly phrase). Samuel writes: "Death is the great exposer: it forces hidden fault lines and submerged secrets into the open." Grief, she believes, is "profoundly misunderstood".
Unresolved grief has been found to be at the root of 15% of psychiatric referrals but, as Samuel makes clear, resolution is not always straightforward or even possible. She does not - hurrah! - believe in "closure". Nor does she feel denial is always unhelpful. She is non-prescriptive, open-minded and admits to her vulnerabilities. What is marvellous is Samuel's ability to feel for - and with - her patients. She emphasises that friends should never underestimate the importance of sympathy. Being a good listener is "by no means the sole preserve of professional therapists" - and listening is vital. It should be added that, should a suitable friend be wanting, Samuel would make a great substitute.
Continue reading...