Joe Lycett: I’m a millennial… Get me out of here!

I don't know how to work my house, and without my phone I am nothing

There are many terms that have been used to describe me: man, comedian, disappointment, hammock enthusiast. In the last few years, a new one has been added to the mix: millennial. It sounded quite cool at first, as if I were part of some exclusive club with a neon logo, until I did a bit of digging and discovered that it actually means that the year I was born and the liberal parenting style of my mother and father have resulted in an adult who can't build meaningful relationships, will never have true job satisfaction and is addicted to his phone.

There was a video doing the rounds titled Millennials In The Workplace that made some clarifications: a clip from a conference being held in what looked like an Amazon warehouse. The main speaker is the renowned author and motivational guru, Simon Sinek, a glossy advice-robot who tells you that social media is ruining your life (albeit through the medium of a video on Facebook). He comes across, as we millennials might say, as a bit of a bell-end. He says we send text messages all the time because, when we get a reply it releases dopamine. "No, Simon," I thought, "if I want a release of dopamine, I will drink a bottle of merlot." Sinek says we struggle to have face-to-face conversations. To which the answer is: "No, Simon, I am fantastic at face-to-face conversations after drinking a bottle of merlot."