"The Philosophy of Beards" from 1854

Behold The Philosophy of Beards, a short 1854 book on the allure, upkeep, and clear moral superiority of the beard.

The Public Domain Review found this gem scanned at the invaluable Internet Archive, and have a terrific writeup describing why this weird tome is oddly telling of its Victorian times:

It is Gowing's ardent belief that the bearded are better looking, better morally and better historically than the shaven. To call him a huge fan of the suburbs of the chin would be an understatement. "It is impossible" he writes "to view a series of bearded portraits . . . without feeling that they possess dignity, gravity, freedom, vigour, and completeness." By contrast, the clean-cut look always leaves him with "a sense of artificial conventional bareness". Gowing's apology for the beard makes frequent appeals to nature, some of them amusingly far-fetched: "Nature leaves nothing but what is beautiful uncovered, and the masculine chin is seldom sightly, because it was designed to be covered, while the chins of women are generally beautiful." Sometimes his argument transforms from a shield for the beard into a swipe at the chin: "There is scarcely indeed a more naturally disgusting object than a beardless old man (compared by the Turks to a 'plucked pigeon')".

Gowing was writing at a time when physiognomy - the art of reading a person's character in their facial features - was still popular in Europe and America. So it is no surprise to learn that "the absence of Beard is usually a sign of physical and moral weakness". Gowing also takes aim at the notion that beards are unhealthy. Far from being unhygienic because of their propensity to trap feculent particles, "the beards of foreign smiths and masons filter plaster dust and metal from the air, protecting the lungs."

As a mostly-clean-shaven guy, I would be found lacking.