My new novel allowed me to grieve years after losing my baby boy

In 2006 the writer Clare Mackintosh gave birth to twin boys 12 weeks prematurely. At first everything went well, but then one twin picked up a dangerous infection, and mother and father were faced with a terrible decision

Authors are told to write what they know, but my own story was, for many years, too hard to even contemplate. I was too scared to explore the emotions I kept locked away. I wrote other books instead - became known for twisty thrillers - then last year I sat at my desk with new resolve. It was time.

In November 2006 I delivered twin boys 12 weeks prematurely. Josh and Alex were baby birds, with screwed-shut eyes and translucent skin. They drank my milk through a narrow tube, breathed via a mask over their tiny faces, and day by day grew stronger.