What happens when you open a can of Spider-Man pasta from 1995? It ain't pretty

I'm always suspicious when people say canned food lasts forever, and @DinosaurDracula proves my fear. Granted, the can was rusted, which may have caused more damage to the food than a can in pristine condition would do. Still, this can of Chef Boyardee Spider-Man pasta from 1995 emitted "noxious fumes" after the first twist of the can opener, and what was revealed inside will have me inspecting the expiration dates on all my pantry cans as soon as I'm finished with this post.

I put the can opener to work, unsettled by the rust, but emboldened by the lack of noxious fumes. I turn the knob and wince, unable to rule out the possibility that the contents have mutated into something alive & malevolent. (2/5) pic.twitter.com/IBmJXBWZI2

- Dinosaur Dracula (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020

They say tragedy plus time equals comedy, but there's nothing funny about 15 ounces of Spider-Man Pasta reduced to a rotted 3-ounce chunk. Recalling the fate of Jordy Verrill in Creepshow, I'm thankful for my rubber gloves. (3/5) pic.twitter.com/W5WqQ7wEHs

- Dinosaur Dracula (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020

I think I notice something, but consult the label on the can to be sure. Indeed, there's poor Spider-Man, trapped in this godforsaken toxic monstrosity. I'm sorry, Peter. With old pasta comes great instability.

Thank you all for taking this journey with me. (5/5) pic.twitter.com/6UcfRcN9tz

- Dinosaur Dracula (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020

[Via Mental Floss]