After grandpa died, we discovered he had COVID. Then, grandma was infected. Why it was difficult for us to take care of our grandparents when they needed us most
As a 23-year-old second generation Filipino-Canadian, I understand the importance of family, having faith and taking care of our elders. Filipinos are known to be resilient people and despite our many hardships we stay kind, generous and hospitable.
It was August when we received news that my grandpa was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I had just finished my bachelor's degree and was having a hard time applying for work and it felt like my time left with my grandfather was running out. So, I decided to move into their house in the Malvern-area of Scarborough where we spent our summer together creating memories. Malvern has been home since my grandparents moved here in 1976. Growing up in a low income area, I've seen first hand the racial and economic inequalities that exist in my own neighbourhood which has been made worse due to the pandemic. Despite our struggles, I've always felt a strong sense of community here. We know how to take care of one another especially during times of hardship.
In November, my grandfather was sent to the hospital for the last time. I remember feeling extremely helpless. There was so much I wanted to say to my grandfather and it felt like I wasn't going to get the opportunity to tell him how much he meant to me in person. We had a nurse initiate a video call to say our goodbyes. He was intubated and on life support and it hurt that we couldn't physically be with him during his final moments. I told him how much I would always cherish our unforgettable summer together and how grateful I am for our bond. We told him it was OK to go now - that we'd be fine down here and that we'd take care of my grandmother. It was heartbreaking hearing my grandmother say her virtual goodbyes to her husband of 61 years. The two of them were inseparable. We said a few prayers before he went peacefully. My heart goes out to the nurse who made sure that my grandfather didn't die alone. Those video calls shouldn't have to be part of her job when my family was supposed to be by his side.
Shortly after his death, we found out that his results for COVID-19 were positive. Several others in my family tested positive as well and I had a difficult time processing the news. It all happened so quickly and was extremely overwhelming. Several days after my grandfather passed away, my grandmother was sent to the ICU and put on a ventilatior, just like my grandfather. My grandmother's birthday was a particularly tough day for me. It felt like I was being robbed of my time normally spent with her.
It was difficult hearing about my grandparents getting sick when my family followed all the protocol rules strictly. We were extremely cautious when entering my grandparents' house during my grandfather's final months due to his age and being a cancer patient. The team of family members, nurses, occupational therapists and personal service workers who were in and out of the house were an essential part of my grandparents' care and worked tirelessly to keep them safe. The truth is that we'll never find answers on exactly how they got sick with the coronavirus and I have to be OK with that.
It's been a roller coaster of emotions processing my grandfather's passing as well as my grandmother being in the ICU in isolation. Some days, it's difficult to wrap my head around how much the coronavirus has affected my life within such a short period of time. It feels like just the other day my grandparents and I were together laughing in the kitchen. As a DJ and music junkie, music has always been my outlet for emotions and sharing my life experiences. It isn't until you lose someone you love that the world seems to fall silent.
Despite all this, my family is resilient. Even when things are difficult, we know that we're stronger together. We continue to laugh, share sweet memories of my grandparents and pictures of my five month old nephew who acts as a glimmer of hope during these difficult times. The nurses in the ICU allow us to video call our grandmother most nights. She can't speak but the nurse holds the phone up to her while she listens to the sound of our voices. It's nice that we're able to let her know that we're thinking of her. I've been missing our daily phone calls, our laughs and the sound of her calling my name telling me it's time to eat. It will be a long road to recovery but she's trending in the right direction. I look forward to the day that she makes it back home to us.
I share my story in hopes of helping others gain perspective on the magnitude of this pandemic. All across the globe, there are people who share tragic stories similar to my own. My heart goes out to all the health care workers who are acting as the damage control for a failed coronavirus response in our province. The impact of this pandemic has shed light on the many faults in our system which disproportionately targets racialized communities allowing the virus to spread to vulnerable populations such as my grandparents.
Looking towards the future, I like to think of these unprecedented times as an opportunity for change. Protecting our essential workers plays a large role in stopping the spread of the virus. The majority of essential workers are people of colour who have no choice but to be on the front lines of this pandemic for low wages. Organizations should provide essential workers with all the resources and information necessary to keep them safe, especially those who are in close contact with vulnerable populations. Essential workers have proven to be the backbone of our communities and I'd like to consider them to be the real heroes.
My hope is that we can work toward equity, continue to show compassion for one another and come out of this pandemic stronger than before.
Jessica Bayot is a DJ and artist in Toronto. Follow her @jessicaabayot.