Thinking of moving house after a year of lockdown clutter? Don't | Emma Beddington

The estate agent is coming to take 360-degree HD pictures of our home ... complete with discarded socks, old batteries and a photobombing tortoise

The good news is we are moving. The bad news is this means an estate agent is coming to take HD pictures and video of the confined space in which four maximalist slobs have spent the pandemic year.

How H is this D exactly?" I ask my husband, gesturing around the kitchen at the stupid fruit flies banging into each other above a teetering stack of takeaway condiment sachets. All surfaces are covered with generic household rubble, Lakeland catalogues promoting storage solutions we definitely need and bank statements demonstrating why we can't get them. He is poised by the back door, coiled, ready to pounce when the overdue recycling truck empties the communal bins. Next to him is a stack of cardboard approximately his height, testament to several months of deliveries. Extremely," he says without taking his eyes off the yard. I checked online - it's horrible."