Boris Johnson may not be able to afford a fancy wedding – but you can bet he’ll have one | Zoe Williams

The PM is notoriously chaotic with cash, spending 27,000 on takeaways yet struggling to buy his own coffee. His nuptials with Carrie Symonds ought to be a blast

I used to think I understood what a posh sensibility looked like: what curtains the upper class favoured; what they ate, drank and wore. They have weird pockets of tightness - orange juice is a special-occasion drink - and moments of stupendous extravagance. I had an affair once with an aristocrat who spent 35 grand on a sofa. This was in the 90s. You could have bought a one-bedroom flat and still had change for council tax.

Since the invention of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds, I haven't understood any of it. I cannot comprehend how you spend 27,000 on takeaways in eight months, as Johnson is alleged to have done. Wouldn't you look at all the boxes piling up and think: Jesus, I could have bought a jetski. I could have endowed a scholarship in ... I don't know, something I'm interested in, and lived for ever in the memory of people who also found that thing interesting. Instead, I just digested it."