Festivals are out; so is the dream holiday. But for once I’m looking forward to summer | Emma Beddington

After 46 years, I'm lowering my expectations. Who needs more than ice-cream and a few salty snacks?

Summer is here: I can smell it (lighter-fuel-doused charcoal and the ammonia punch of After Bite dabbed on giant angry weals) and hear it (strimmers and mowers and the ice-cream van). I can feel it too: a slither of itchy unease at the core of my being, a tight-chested sense that everything is slipping out of my control when I see a few sun icons on my phone.

Which summer tribe are you?" the magazine quizzes ask, but I'm not mermaidcore, Riviera chic or Amish prairie cowgirl: I'm looking longingly at cardigans" - and not just because this season has got off to such a damp and chilly start.