I fear for my family in Kabul, but I know the Taliban can be resisted | Nelufar Hedayat

My Afghan relatives refuse to be forced back into their homes. Talking to them is heart-wrenching, but leaves me with hope

• Nelufar Hedayat is an Afghan-British journalist

I call my father every other day now. This is new. There used to be times where weeks would go by and we wouldn't hear from each other. Now it's different. Often, I call him to help stymie the gulps and tears, the flood of feelings of hopelessness, to talk about the trauma and the flashbacks I'm having from when I was made a refugee of the war in Afghanistan in the 1990s.

I'm a different person from three weeks ago - before the Taliban walked in and took over Kabul, declaring themselves the new leaders of Afghanistan. My headphones blare out warbling ballads by Farhad Darya, a name many might not recognise but, to millions of Afghans and our diaspora, an icon and arguably the most lauded male pop star to come out of my beautiful broken birth-land. Oooh those days / Safe as houses, boy we were safe / our hearts close together / Lying in the acacia's shade, Kabul was safe."