How to ask your family about vaxxing and why you definitely should

Thanksgiving conjures comforting images of sitting around the table with friends, family and loved ones, feasting and being thankful for all that we have.

But this year might be a little less cosy.

Thanks to the pandemic and the polarizing topic of vaccination status, there will likely be an added dose of awkwardness. That is, if you don't handle the vaxxing conversation thoughtfully.

So how do you broach the subject with family or friends?

As someone who entertained regularly pre-COVID-19, Meg Sethi - a PR pro who runs the popular agency Alchemysts Inc. - says the current landscape is definitely trickier to navigate and, understandably, vaccination status is a very emotionally charged topic.

From a strictly social perspective, since she's not a legal or medical expert who can speak to this from a rights, health or privacy standpoint, she says the best way to manage this challenging landscape when hosting holiday celebrations is through the three c's: communication, compliance and capacity.

The best practice would be to call each guest individually and engage in an open dialogue that includes safety measures for the event, such as social distance measures, number of guests invited, etc.," Sethi said. Consider sharing who is on the guest list, as well as blind data on the vaccination status of your guests, without naming names. This allows invited guests to make an informed decision prior to RSVPing, without disclosing anyone's medical information," Sethi said.

From a compliance perspective, she says to make sure you're up to date on the latest regulations about hosting at home. Make sure you're aligned to what is mandated so you're taking every measure to ensure the safety of your guests," Sethi said.

For capacity, she suggests keeping the gathering small and intimate so you can give guests your full attention, and ensure you're able to do a pulse check on their comfort level before and during the holiday celebration. The world is opening up, but it's harder to manage the needs of each guest when it's a larger group," Sethi said.

Health professionals agree. I'm optimistic the vaccine mandates and general fear around the Delta variant has helped increase vaccination rates among the hesitant," says Dr. Parambir Keila, an ER physician with Quinte Health Care. Though he encourages everyone to get vaccinated, he appreciates that's not possible for some. Small dinner parties can be safe if the participants are all symptom-free and are not attending multiple events in a short time period," Keila said.

He says that the province of Ontario is allowing indoor gatherings of up to 25 people, but suggests spacing events out by three to four days so that contract tracing is feasible, keeping a window open if hosting inside and ideally not sitting elbow to elbow with other guests. No one wants another lockdown and I'm hoping that people will act sensibly in order to try and mitigate the risk from that happening," Keila said.

It's important to recognize that the past year has been very hard on collective mental health, and he believes getting together with family and loved ones can be an important part of the healing process. Just do it safely," Keila said.

To do so, you may be tempted to ask guests what their vaccination status is. According to etiquette expert Louise Fox, though that question is intrusive, there's a right way to ask rather than being blunt and putting guests on the spot or catching them off guard. Ask your guests their opinion and ask how they feel about attending if there are guests that may be unvaccinated," Fox said. Once you have gathered the information, decide your best course of action."

Though etiquette dictates that you be kind and honest with others, if you usually get invited to a friend or family Thanksgiving gathering and notice that you haven't this year, don't be quick to make assumptions or take it personally. Keep in mind that everyone's situation is different and may have changed considerably as a result of the pandemic, and we may not be privy to that information," Fox said. A host is not obligated to reveal why guests are invited or not, and you shouldn't ask."

Fox has observed that as a result of COVID and restrictions, many who feel they've lost control in some areas of their lives may mistakenly believe the gloves are off and they can do whatever they want. I'd like to see us return to a kinder, gentler time where kindness and consideration for others were at the forefront," Fox said. When in doubt as to what to do or say, be kind ... it's hardly ever wrong."

Jen Kirsch is a Toronto-based writer and a freelance contributor for the Star. Follow her on Twitter: @jen_kirsch