The good, the bad and the ugly: 12 Ontario nurses reflect on 2021
Ontario's nurses were stretched to the limit during the second year of the COVID-19 pandemic - an ongoing battle that, for some, has become coloured with their own personal trauma.
Staffing shortages, they say, have meant fewer nurses than ever handling patients at the province's hospitals. Many nurses, even some of the most seasoned on staff, have chosen to exit the profession entirely.
They have been at the forefront of the province's pandemic response, witnessing first-hand how COVID-19 has disrupted every facet of life in Ontario.
The Star asked some to reflect on their year on the front lines. While many shared stories of hardship and burnout, others saw personal and professional gains that gave them the power to move ahead.
This was 2021, in their own words.
Responses have been edited for brevity and clarity.
Lhamo Dolkar, primary care nurse practitioner
As I reflect on my experiences in 2021, I realize how ironic it is that I am doing this while I am isolating after an exposure to a COVID positive case at a casual employment setting.
This year has been full of highs and lows, personally and professionally.
Struggling as a mother of young boys who juggled between isolations, in person school and online learning while balancing my academic pursuit to become a nurse practitioner and working as a nurse at bedside and in public health, I hoped for an end to this pandemic.
The constant changes to infection guidelines and policies have added on to the existing stress.
Even with all this, my passion for health care has not quivered. Like many other Ontarians, I am scared and anxious for myself and for my family of young children. I am praying for a healthy year for everyone.
Daria Juudi-Hope, registered nurse and director of nursing for Shibogama First Nations Council, Black Nurses Task Force
It is incredible to sit and reflect on the past year for a few seconds.
I feel as if I never recovered from 2020 and had to adapt in 2021. I have barely coped with messes this year.
I have survived travelling to work in the North and practising in incredibly challenging conditions, which only worsened during this pandemic. Challenges range from lack of staffing to not being heard when advocating for our patients.
Nurses constantly pour from our souls to provide care to others. It is depressing to witness the pain and desolation nurses have been feeling for years. It has also been insulting to know the realities of issues in our health care system but not have a voice when solutions are being discussed.
I thought that reaching for work opportunities in leadership would allow for my voice to be heard, but, even at this level, there's red tape and barriers which affect everybody's well-being.
Despite all of this, I hope for the best - for all of us.
Nikki Skillen, ICU nurse and advocate, co-founder of OntarioNurses United
In the 25 years I have worked in nursing, I have never experienced anything like 2021.
Since I run a nurses' advocacy group on Facebook, I hear heartbreaking stories daily from other nurses and have experienced so many problems myself.
Early in the pandemic, we received an extra $4 per hour for about three months, but no longer receive additional financial compensation to work on the front lines. Meanwhile, Bill 124 means health care workers cannot receive more than a 0.9 per cent raise annually.
In the ICU, we work a dangerous job.
My unit fared well, until about three weeks ago. Now, at least 10 nurses have tested positive for COVID-19. We haven't gotten a break no matter which way we turn and nurses are leaving left, right and centre. Nine of my colleagues have quit since the beginning of December.
We're starting to run on empty in a big way.
Beth Sweeney, primary care nurse practitioner
I have had a rewarding COVID-19 experience. I felt informed and safe, and I know my patients feel blessed to have continued to get my care as a primary health care nurse practitioner (NP) in both of my part-time roles through the entire pandemic. As a family health team" member, our practice never closed its doors, but moved to essential services and visits only. Adequate personal protective equipment was available and we constantly adapted to public health guidelines.
In the Youth Justice System, my role as NP moved to medical lead" as I worked with the management team closely to develop protocols specific to our staff and youth. I was the only health care professional that continued to care for the youth in-person and on-site.
Compared to many of my registered nurses and NP colleagues, who are stressed to no end due to staff shortages and lack of employer support, I count myself lucky.
Rachel Radyk, registered practical nurse, chair, Indigenous Nurses and Allies Interest Group
This last year had many ups and downs as a nurse. I graduated in April 2021 from the Ontario Tech University from the registered practical nurse to Bachelor of Science program while working on the front lines as a registered practical nurse. I pushed myself to the limit during the pandemic to balance school, work, and my passion for caring for others. I have been working with the Southwestern Ontario Aboriginal Health Access Centre to educate others about COVID-19 vaccines, and assisted in creating a culturally aware space for the urban Indigenous community to receive their vaccines. I also discovered my passion for advocating for Indigenous health and leadership and chair the Indigenous Nurses and Allies Interest Group for the Registered Nurses Association of Ontario (RNAO). Like many new graduates, I have experienced the loss of not celebrating my achievements with my friends and family. Still, I look forward to walking across the stage when I eventually graduate with my master's in nursing.
Leigh Chapman, registered nurse, director of clinical services at Inner City Health Associates
During the COVID-19 pandemic, nursing services have become embedded in Toronto's Inner City Health Associates in the delivery of homeless health care. Nurses and nurse practitioners with expertise in low-barrier, trauma-informed care provide clinical care in shelter hotels, at the COVID-19 Recovery & Isolation site and in encampments. Nurses have made a difference in outcomes by meeting people where they are - providing COVID-19 health information and vaccinations, substance use care, health assessments and tending injuries. Nurses witness how the social determinants of health impact people's lives and how marginalization impacts access to health care, housing and social supports. It has been especially challenging and traumatic to be providing clinical services during the unrelenting overdose crisis, both in terms of responding to emergencies and witnessing so many deaths. Nurses have always risen to the challenge of responding to those most in need. Nurses are tired, yet remain motivated by the significant impact they are making in the lives of people experiencing homelessness.
Shirlee Sharkey, CEO of SE Health
As a nurse and a leader, 2021 challenged and inspired me like never before. Waves of dread were often eclipsed by waves of pride. From the birth of my first grandchild early in the new year to the day-to-day reality of fighting an ongoing pandemic, ensuring access to care for those who need it, and keeping everyone safe.
Though they are in short supply, visiting nurses have stepped up to the plate, enabling millions of Ontarians to remain in their own homes, where they want to be.
Within my own organization, a focus on best practice guidelines, infection control and healthy work environments helped position us for success. Nurses know how to work together and get stuff done but like so many essential workers the level of weariness is very real. As health leaders, we need to listen to their concerns, heed their advice and work with purpose to clear the way.
Matt Harris, advanced care paramedic of 13 years, now a nursing student
I've spent the pandemic in two different realms of health care. For nearly two years everyone has run flat out, in constant crisis mode. As a (nursing) student that has meant virtual or truncated placements and preceptors trying to teach while working under immense strain. I've watched as nurses have shouldered more and more with less and less support. They're suffering and students have suffered with them.
I'm nearly twice the age of most of my classmates. They're all excited to enter practice, but they're also scared. I worry that the system they're entering is going to grind them down in record time. Meanwhile, while I'll be proud to place RN" after my name when I'm finished, I don't know if I will enter practice. Between the significant pay cut transferring from paramedic to registered nurse, the working conditions, and the total lack of respect from the government and employers, the cost just seems too high.
Colleen MacPherson, registered nurse, ICU and OntarioNurses United co-founder
After 27 years, mostly spent in a Greater Toronto Area ICU, I lost my desire for the toughest job I'll ever love.
I am no stranger to working in incredibly stressful situations. This year, I was faced with understaffing, limited supplies of personal protective equipment, inconsistent guidelines, and a lack of science based public policies. I have worked through SARS, HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis C, H1N1 but this was different.
Many nurses have quit out of fear of their unrealistic and unsafe workloads. Today, hospital staff work alongside agency nurses as staffing shortages leave unfilled nursing positions in Ontario. We rely on agency nurses to staff our hospitals. Many new graduates are walking away from their career with PTSD.
This year has been so devastating and I am convinced the (current government) is setting the stage for for-profit health care. 2021 was an unsafe year for Ontario citizens.
Lauren MacLellan. registered nurse and travel nurse
In 2021, I left Ontario to work across Canada as a travel nurse. In 2018, as a new graduate, I began working in a hospital emergency department. I was promised six months of a mentorship program, however, I was trained by nurses with less than a year of experience themselves.
Being a new nurse, I was also faced with the challenges of constantly being short-staffed, unsafe patient ratios, overcapacity resulting in patients being placed in the hallways, abuse and then a global pandemic. I felt extremely burnt out so quickly into a career I was once so excited for.
The decision to leave the province was also not taken lightly as it meant leaving behind my family and friends as well.
I am incredibly proud of my profession and the amazing nurses I work with and I feel it's time for a proactive approach to the retention of nurses in Ontario. Our concerns need to be heard.
Lindsay Peltsch, registered nurse, pediatric critical care
When I reflect on this year, the word that jumps to mind is heartbreak. I watched the long smouldering fires of staffing, respect and recruitment issues be fanned into an inferno.
I have lost the profession that I had previously loved. I had steeled myself for the expected pain that comes with being a pediatric critical care nurse and seeing hard things and doing hard things.
However, the moral injury of doing more with less, of close calls, of being made to feel expendable by the very system that called us heroes over the years was too much.
At some point you have to draw the line, to no longer be willing to fall on the sword of your mental health for a system that devalues you. And I have crossed it.
Morgan Hoffarth, registered nurse, president of Registered Nurses' Association of Ontario
Being asked to reflect is a luxury in itself, especially today as I just finished a very long shift in a long-term-care home in London, Ontario. This past year of the pandemic has been equally, if not more challenging than 2020 for many reasons.
This past 12 months have been filled with hope due to mandatory vaccination for staff and priority vaccination for long-term-care residents. Yet, the staffing crisis - primarily of registered nurses and registered practical nurses - caused by years of underfunding culminating with Bill 124 - have hit long-term-care homes and are causing the health system to collapse. Heartbreaking. Disheartening. Unconscionable!
2021 has been a difficult and yet a character-expanding year. I know that 2022 isn't going to be easy. What do I want for 2022 is a government that stands by its health care workers, its teachers, and its everyday Ontarians. It's the only way we can get through this new fifth wave of COVID-19.
Jenna Moon is a breaking news reporter for the Star and is based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter: @_jennamoon
Urbi Khan is a Toronto-based staff reporter for the Star. Reach her via email: urbikhan@thestar.ca