I’m facing up to working alone in the house again – and I don’t like it one bit | Zoe Williams

As many people return to the office, what about those of us left behind who have got used to the company during the pandemic?

As the world returns to the office, doggy daycare is booming. You hear of kingpins who never even have to meet the dogs, but run establishments packed with canines, whose owners are each paying more for the day than the dog-loving apprentices are receiving. They offer enrichment activities" - AKA other dogs with buttholes - and nap time, which is to say, all day.

Sorry, that is unfair. There are also many fine and upstanding dog lovers providing these services, and right across the spectrum, everyone reports a surge in demand as people who got a lockdown puppy now have a regular, grownup dog. But it's a dog with a difference. It can't be left alone for one second. Dog behaviourists report weird, amazingly strategic new methods to stop owners going out: dogs that will hide shoes, lie down across front doors, or - in the case of one high-risk fellow - across the rear wheels of a car. Realistically, what's the upside, for a dog, of anyone leaving the house? You can hardly blame them, but you have now created an animal that needs 40 a day spent on it just to stay sane. You might as well have bought a lockdown racehorse.