The decline of the girlboss? Post-pandemic, she's more ubiquitous than ever | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

The mantra of this pinkwashed career queen is about changing yourself rather than reality. Time to say, no, that's not my job

A few months after graduating, mid-recession, on to the dole and shortly before I started writing for the Guardian, I worked very briefly for an online magazine as an editorial assistant. It was on my first day there that my older, female boss taught me a lesson I have never forgotten. After running through my various duties, she added this advice: The men upstairs," she said, are going to think you are their secretary. They are going to ask you to do their photocopying and answer their phones. And it is very important that when they do, you say the following phrase: No. That's not my job.'"

Then she made me repeat it several times, until I said it with confidence. It's a simple refusal, and an effective one, but the first time I said it I was nervous. On repetition, however, it became second nature, and being able to say no" without apology or excuse has stood me in good stead ever since. I am what many would consider an assertive person, but like many women I still sometimes have to force myself to stand up for what I want.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett is a Guardian columnist