I don’t know how to be me. How do I find myself? | Ask Philippa

Practice saying self-revelatory thoughts to another person without knowing how they are going to land, says Philippa Perry. And tune into your own feelings

The question My partner broke up with me after being together throughout the pandemic and, at the end, part of her reasoning was that she felt she didn't really know who I am".

I recently started seeing someone new and, although we've only known each other for a month, she said the same thing unprompted. Truthfully, I feel the same way about myself. I'm 30 and I've always felt subdued and unable to be expressive. I don't know how to be authentically me. How do I find myself?