My night with Abramovich – who was taking the piss? | Stewart Lee

The Long Ryders song Ivory Tower once sparked a brief, urinal-based encounter between me and the Russian oligarch

Superyachts seek safe havens. Property portfolios dissolve. Lawyers are engaged, accountants contracted. Politicians confect plausible denials over ostentatious donations. Tory party co-chairman Ben Elliot deletes online boasts of his company's 15 years' experience providing luxury lifestyle management services to Russia's elite and corporate members". It seems there were oligarchs everywhere, all along. We've been living in an oligarchy, and no one knew, except all the silenced journalists and stifled inquiries that tried to tell us.

Six years ago, after meeting him at a urinal, I briefly befriended the now penitent oligarch Roman Abramovich. Ten songs into a brilliant set by Americana legends the Long Ryders at Under the Bridge, the venue attached to the football ground Abramovich owned, I dashed to the gents, just after Ivory Tower and during The Light Gets in the Way, my prostate gland and my enthusiasm for plangent country rock in mortal combat.

Rescheduled national 2022 dates of Stewart's 2020 tour, Snowflake Tornado, are on sale now; as are Edinburgh fringe shows. The Long Ryders return to Under the Bridge, London, on 17 and 18 June