I’ve finally put something on eBay that people want – now I wish I hadn’t | Zoe Williams

I was so excited when eBay started, until I realised no one wanted my stuff - so why do I feel so emotional about this sudden flood of unexpected interest?

It was so exciting when eBay first started, a final reckoning with the fact that we all, between us, had enough stuff. We just had to keep it moving around so that it felt new to someone, and life's defining itch-scratch-itch cycle - earn-spend-earn - would be broken. All that would be left to destroy was private property, and wham, we would reach Arcadia (the state of simple pleasure, not the doomed fashion business).

Then, it turned out that no one wanted my stupid stuff. I'd end up with a closing bid of 1.28, having gifted myself administrative posting tasks that would reach into the following month. My reputation was soon scorched as a seller, and I took to using the site only for buying vintage dog cufflinks, which never arrived. At least I wasn't banned from selling, unlike my Mr, who had his card marked early on as a potential money launderer. I have been round these traps a lot, and scoured Breaking Bad and Ozark many times to find out how money laundering works. I can find no reasonable explanation for the suspicion, except that the quality of his goods was too low for the possibility of honest exchange.

Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist