The good news: Johnson’s on the way out. The bad news: look who’s on the way in | Marina Hyde

One ridiculously graceless resignation' speech later, here are the top Tory gorgons competing to control the sunlit uplands

Boris Johnson is leaving office with the same dignity he brought to it: none. I've seen more elegant prolapses. Having spent 36 hours on the run from what other people know as consequences, Downing Street's Raoul Moat was finally smoked out of his storm drain on Thursday, having awoken that morning with what one aide described portentously as a moment of clarity". I mean, he'd lost 57 ministers? And been booed everywhere from the steps of St Paul's to the cricket? Hard to know how much more clarity could have been offered to this big-brain, short of a plane flying over Downing Street trailing a banner reading U WANT PICKING UP IN THE MORNING PAL? This is the version of Jaws where the shark eats the mayor, and the entire beach is rooting for the shark.

They got Al Capone on tax evasion; they got Al Johnson on evasion. Character is fate, and the prime minister was undone by his lifelong pathological inability to tell the truth. Johnson's ridiculously graceless resignation" speech ran the gamut from pettiness to miscast victimhood - a sort of Bozzymandias, where the vainglory stood in painfully unfortunate contrast to the fact it was all lying in ruins around him. As the boos threatened to overwhelm his delivery, it was clear that what would satisfy the crowds was him being made to do a walk of shame, like some Blobby Cersei Lannister. (Same hairdo.) Failing that, he should have been wheeled out of Downing Street in the booze suitcase.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist