Steve Milton: It’s a bit different, but Labour Day is Labour Day
These are, in all walks of life, uncertain times. So maybe death and taxes being joined by the Argos lose on Labour Day" is not as guaranteed as it usually is.
There has never been quite a Labour Day Classic like Monday's tilt between the hopeful Toronto Argonauts, who top the anemic CFL East with a 5-5 record, and the reeling 3-8 Hamilton Tiger-Cats, who would be leading the entire free world if only they never had to play a fourth quarter.
Oh, the two ancient rivals have come into the Day Before School game with unbalanced balance sheets before, and the Ticats have generally managed to win. Of course. They've won 36 of the 50 times the two oldest pro football franchises on the continent have played since the Tiger-Cats were formed out of the Wildcats and Tigers amalgamation in 1950. Toronto has won only 13 times, and there was that wholly, and unholy, unsatisfying tie in 2004.
Teams from the two cities have been playing games since 1873 but have never met three times in the previous four weeks heading into Labour Day. And they've rarely, if ever, finished with each other on the first Monday in September: that's usually the start, officially or unofficially, of the real season.
The Ticats lost two of the three games against Toronto in August, including that frustrating capitulation last weekend at The Ex, and in order to hold the season's tiebreaker with the Argos, must win by 25 points or more on Monday. If you've seen evidence that that is possible, let alone probable, the Crown attorney's office would like to hire you as an investigator.
Still, Labour Day is Labour Day and weird things can happen and regularly do. It's a civic-spirit-building exercise in Hamilton, a great social leveller, a standalone thing unto itself, often completely divorced from what went before and what would come after. Ron Lancaster used to laugh about arriving to coach the Ticats in 1998 and the most fervent fans telling him it didn't matter how he did, as long as he beat the Argos on Labour Day.
Labour Day is special," agrees Ticats head coach Orlondo Steinauer. I've always said this. I wouldn't do it a good enough job just to talk about it. You just kind of have to be here. They call it classic for a reason. It's always an electric thing."
He says the team has shown players footage of previous Labour Day Classics so newcomers can see what they will experience from the first Oskee Wee Wee to the final Argos Suck."
Ticat defensive tackle Dylan Wynn, a coiled bundle of kinetic energy, has been an Argonaut and a Ticat and says, it means a lot for the community, a lot for the players. The battle of the QEW is a fiery one. A normal game against the Argos, it's not like those are soft but there's an extra little ... well, it's Labour Day. Guys want to get after it. There are some pretty prolific rivalries in the States, but imagine if your rivalry was over 150 years old. This goes deep."
Steinauer, who's lived more Labour Day history than just about any man, ever, having coached and played for both teams for over a quarter-century with only two years off, says that this is not a must-win for his Ticats because he only uses that term for an elimination game.
And technically he's right. But if the Ticats still have any aspirations for first place they must win this game, because if they don't the Argos will be six points up, with a game in hand, and the Ticats will have only six to play. The game against the Alouettes in Montreal near the end of the month is probably far more crucial to playoff hopes. It's improbable more than two East teams will qualify for the post-season.
We should remind everyone that the Argos are due to win on Labour Day. But they're always due to win on Labour Day and mostly don't. They have lost all seven Labour Day Classics since Tim Hortons Field opened. They couldn't prevail when they came into town with four wins (OK, and also six losses) in 2017 with the Ticats sitting at 0-8, their coach Kent Austin replaced by June Jones and their quarterback Zach Collaros replaced by Jeremiah Masoli. Final tally: 24-22 Ticats, and new life for the stretch run which fell ultimately short, thanks not to the Argos, but the Ottawa Redblacks.
There was also the red letter Monday in 2005 when the 1-8 Ticats beat the 6-3 Argos 33-30 in one of the great Labour Day Classics ever. The standings gap between Toronto and Hamilton is not as large this year, but the Ticats have essentially played the same game nearly a dozen times: they start well, look innovative, usually have a lead somewhere in the first half, but turnovers, missed tackles, two-and-outs, predictability on both sides of the ball, and defensive lapses have led to horrific fourth quarters. And they've been unable to put the Argos away, when they should have, in the early going.
It remains to be seen how playing so often, in such a short time, might affect Monday's game.
Whether we're 3-0 (with the Argos) heading into this one or 1-2, it is what it is," Steinauer says, meaning that this is the next game only, despite the hoopla, despite the fact that they won't see the Argos again unless it's in the Eastern final.
Wynn adds, The only thing I can say about it is that we all know each other at this point. Everyone's done the scouting, and watched four games of film against you and know what they do against you, and it's the same on the other side. It comes down to who can execute.
It's not the plays that win games, it's the players."
Canadian country music legend Tim Hicks is the featured halftime performer on a Labour Day crammed with promotions, and perhaps his genre will be some inspiration for the Ticats to turn around a season that will reach its two-thirds mark on Monday. Their best girl has left town, the truck broke down and the dog died, so maybe they've touched bottom and are ready to rebound.
Maybe. If not, it'll leave the Argos singing their own C-and-W tune as they head off into the horizon of first place: Waylon Jennings' If you see me getting' smaller, I'm leavin'."
Steve Milton is a Hamilton-based sports columnist at The Spectator. Reach him via email: smilton@thespec.com