Enough with finding ‘the one’. Let’s become better at loving the people we already have

On Valentine's Day, psychologist Chris Cheers proposes we redefine love - not as something we find, but something we do

Over the last few years, as a psychologist and as a friend, I have sat with many people struggling with isolation and loneliness. Some government-enforced, some just the way things have turned out. But although the causes may be different, one thing is clear: nobody wants to be lonely.

Our bodies need social connection. It's in our biology. This is one reason, as often reported, that married people are shown to have lower rates of mortality compared to single people of the same age. But it's important not to end the story there. In his book The Myth of Normal, Gabor Mate points to other important findings that get mentioned less: that those who are unhappily married show poorer wellbeing and health than the unmarried and that improving the quality of all your relationships reduces your risk of death by the same amount as quitting smoking or drinking.