Winnie The Pooh Escapes Copyright Hell, Grabs Some Weapons, And Immediately Gets Kicked Out Of Hong Kong

The life-plus-seventy-years sentence imposed on Winnie the Pooh by Cher's ex-husband is finally over. Petitions for an early release went unheeded, forcing the butt naked childhood icon to perform tricks for the heirs of its creator's estate until it was finally allowed to roam free - nearly 40 years after the bear's sentence should have been commuted.

Pooh's freedom prompted questions about what he might do following his release, the best of which was posed by comic artist Luke McGarry. McGarry suggested the future would bring us a far less innocuous Pooh Bear in this extremely prescient tweet:

Less than a year later, the question posed by Christopher Robin had been answered in the affirmative. A horror film utilizing characters from A.A. Milne's creations debuted. Entitled Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey," the horror film turns Pooh and Piglet into partners in slashy crime, presumably much to the chagrin of the former rights holders. And definitely to the chagrin of critics and audiences alike, who possibly wouldn't have minded a more transgressive Pooh Bear, but desired something far more clever and watchable than this hustled-into-existence transformative work.

While we await the inevitable horror variation of Disney's prime mover sometime in the next couple of years, we'll have to make do with Winnie-the-Murderer. Well, some of us will. The film has been booted out of Hong Kong, but not necessarily because it turns a comforting childhood icon into a kill-crazy murderer.

Film distributor VII Pillars Entertainment announced on Facebook that the release of Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey" on Thursday had been canceled with great regret" in Hong Kong and neighboring Macao.

In an email reply to The Associated Press, the distributor said it was notified by cinemas that they could not show the film as scheduled, but it didn't know why. The cinema chains involved did not immediately reply to a request for comment.

The problem here likely isn't the bloody content or the lazy subversion of childhood innocence. No, the problem here is most likely China's president, Xi Jinping. Critics and shitposters in China (and China's newest subservient domain) have deployed plenty of memes depicting President Xi as Winnie the Pooh due to his passing resemblance to the notorious honey fiend.

This has resulted in some seriously weird censorship efforts and this ejection of the Pooh-based horror film appears to be a continuation of that censorship theme. Allowing Hong Kong residents to view content that might mentally link the president to a surprisingly violent stuffed animal is the sort of the thing that simply can't be allowed, especially since this comparison is far more apt than merely noting a facial resemblance between Xi and a child's harmless imaginary friend.

The crackdown continues. And the Hong Kong government is trying to alter the narrative by claiming (without a shred of credibility) that theater owners arrived at this decision on their own.

The Office for Film, Newspaper and Article Administration said it had approved the film and arrangements by local cinemas to screen approved films are the commercial decisions of the cinemas concerned." It refused to comment on such arrangements.

A screening initially scheduled for Tuesday night in one cinema was canceled due to technical reasons," the organizer said on Instagram.

I supposed a forced cancellation could (very charitably) be called a technical reason." No one really believes these statements from the government's censors, not even the censors themselves. But they're the ones with power, so everyone just has to pretend theater owners decided, independently, to cancel more than 30 planned showings, all within hours of each other. There's a murderous Pooh Bear still wandering the streets of Hong Kong, if only in spirit. But it's not the protagonist of the film the government won't allow to be shown.