Stephen Lawrence came to symbolise so much. But he was also my little boy | Neville Lawrence

Thirty years on, my child's killers still walk free and the Met is resisting reform - that is why I'm still fighting for justice

I try not to remember the day Stephen died. Even 30 years on, the pain of losing your firstborn never goes away. I remember watching him leave the house that morning for the last time and turn down the alleyway up to the main road where he used to catch the bus. I remember the neighbour banging on the door telling us Stephen had been attacked by a group of boys.

Later in the hospital, when the doctors told me Stephen had died, I asked to go and see him, but they said he needed cleaning up first. I remember going into the room and looking at him but I don't know what I did, how I felt, or even if I touched him. The next morning, I woke up at home thinking it was all a bad dream. I went into his bedroom and saw his bed hadn't been slept in - that's when I realised it was real.

Neville Lawrence OBE is an anti-racism campaigner and the father of Stephen Lawrence. As told to Lucy Pasha-Robinson

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