For a prime minister who phoned it in, Boris Johnson is having a lot of trouble handing over one mobile | Marina Hyde

Conveniently, the device he used most during the pandemic cannot be switched on due to security reasons

Did you see that story about the Indian government official who drained an entire reservoir to retrieve a phone? Amazing that it turned out to be not even the most ludicrous government-phone-retrieval story this week.

As you may by now have read, Boris Johnson can't give the phone he used for most of the pandemic to the Covid inquiry because of security reasons. He says he still has the phone - then again, he says a lot of things. I think the phone has faked its own death and is living in sin beneath the North Sea with Rebekah Vardy's agent's phone. Can we drain the North Sea? Keir Starmer could suggest it's one of the things we should do instead of drilling in it.