I am cursed to wear compression socks. Spare a thought for me this summer

My only consolation is that it feels so damn good to take them off at the end of the day

I don't mean to boast, but I've got lovely legs. They are easily my best feature. But - there's a but - while my right leg is simply perfect, and my left leg is good down to the knee, what comes below that is a proper old mess.

It was more than 30 years ago, playing in goal in a cup tie at Amersham Town, that I broke my left leg. Impressive," said the radiologist of the X-rays. I spent seven months in plaster and it was a year before I could walk without a stick. Even then, I wasn't out of the woods.

Adrian Chiles is a Guardian columnist