Rewarding failure? With David Cameron’s return, it's being celebrated like never before | Marina Hyde

After his triumph in Libya I can't wait to see what Mr Failed State achieves as foreign secretary. Sorry, that's unfair - Lord Failed State

Who's that walking up Downing Street? Why, it's the man who ghosted Britain! In some ways the sight of David Cameron back in SW1 was always a possibility. Behavioural science tells us these guys often return to the scene of their crimes - either to retrieve a trophy, or to show police the various burial sites in the hope of receiving a slightly more lenient sentence. In this case, from the history books.

But let's be real: the only acceptable excuse Cameron would have for being in the Downing Street area is that he has been sent back in time to terminate his past self before the moment he accidentally sets the UK on the course of permacrisis politics, in which it is still agonisingly and destructively trapped. Unfortunately, the Cameron unit has made the wrong calculations - again - and emerged through the space-time tear seven and a half years too late. He is now foreign secretary, and after his full-spectrum triumph in Libya it will certainly be interesting to see what Mr Failed State achieves in that role. Sorry, that's unfair - Lord Failed State.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist