Doorman’s holiday: a security guard’s take on stealth games

As a bouncer, you might not think that trying to outwit guards would be relaxing for me - but stealth games do make me think about my job a little differently

I've worked as a guard and bouncer for nearly 20 years, first putting on the black uniform not long after 1998's Tenchu: Stealth Assassins snuck on to the original PlayStation. Like that game, my job can involve hours of watching stuff and moving alone through darkened spaces, interspersed with moments of frantically trying not to get killed (thankfully, not by a Sengoku-era arrow - though I did once have a bloke throw a temporary bus stop sign through the window of a building I was guarding).

I've always been intrigued by how the intruders I chase off in my job compare to the infiltrators we love to play in stealth games, all of whom seem able to slip past guards without a hitch. If they're discovered and a scuffle breaks out, those guards will fight to the death. That puts my own tenacity to shame, especially if they're on the same 12.03 an hour that I get. Maybe they studied a different emergency procedures module to the one I remember, which reminds you that a living witness is more useful than a dead hero.