If you are childless, and not by choice, how do you get through Christmas? | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

So much of the festive season is built around children. Amid the celebrations, it's OK to give yourself space to grieve

Have you seen those baubles - Baby's First Christmas? If my first pregnancy hadn't ended in miscarriage, last year would have seen our tree adorned with those, but instead it marked yet another year filled with loss." Sophie Flynn is telling me about navigating the festive season when you desperately want to be a parent. So much of Christmas is framed around children that it can feel like an emotional obstacle course for those who have experienced baby loss, miscarriage, or biological or social infertility. Everywhere you turn, there are reminders of what others have.

Christmas becomes something you count as another year that didn't turn out as you hoped," she says. Add into it the messaging that it's all for the kids, as if your celebrations are frivolous without them, and the season can become something to endure." It's all very well having a happily childfree, adult Christmas of oysters and champagne and movie marathons and naps, but when your childless status is a source of pain, it's a different matter altogether.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett is a Guardian columnist