Perimenopause has brought chaos to my life – but also peace

Trying to learn about menopause has been disorienting, but Angela Garbes has also experienced a softening, an openness'

In my 20s and 30s, I went hard, driven by a desire to live life fully. I wanted to stay up all night having heated conversations, collect experiences and adventures, make art and meaning from everything that happened. Somewhere in the far-off distance I pictured myself making it to age 40, but never thought further than that: I would turn 40 ... and then I'd be 65?

My naivete died three years ago in the middle of the night. I woke up drenched in perspiration, shivering. It was shocking to find myself suddenly so cold and in the dark. Within a month, I was waking at least twice a week - three, four or even five times a night.