Since my husband’s death, the intimacy of apartment living has brought more than just shared walls | Nova Weetman

In discovering the joy of a ready-made community, I have made unexpected connections with neighbours who understand grief

Not long after my mum died, I talked to a friend's mother about grief, and I compared what I was feeling to the loss she was experiencing after her husband's death. She smiled warmly and reached out to hold my hand, explaining in the gentlest voice so as not to upset me that it was very different because losing your partner, your person, is unlike anything else. I didn't understand it at the time, but I do now. My person died in 2020, and while the act of grieving shares many things, the loneliness and emptiness of losing the person you share your daily space with is very particular.

When we moved into an apartment building in 2021, it was the tail end of two years of Melbourne's hard lockdowns and a year after my partner had died. Like most households, we'd been inside for much of this time, away from the random interactions with strangers that usually filled our days. It had been many years since I'd lived in an apartment and I'd forgotten the unavoidable intimacy of sharing walls and common spaces with so many people.