I tried the popular 30/30/30 morning routine – and was left sadder, wiser and nauseated | Emma Beddington

That's 30g of protein within half an hour of waking, then a spot of low-intensity" cardio. Doesn't sound so bad, does it? Don't be fooled

In my continued quest for self-optimisation via silly wellness stuff, I was intrigued by a Vogue article on a new morning routine: 30/30/30. That's 30g of protein within 30 minutes of waking, then 30 minutes of low-intensity" cardio. Apparently, it has gained serious traction on social media".

Why not try it out? Well, for a start - and in fairness, Vogue mentioned this - it was devised by Gary Brecka, a biohacker" (sigh) and Make America Healthy Again (Maha) enthusiast, who recently called Robert F Kennedy Jr a true force of nature". I suppose he is, like a tornado or aplague of locusts.