How a Neglectful or Traumatic Childhood Can Lead a Fear of Being Loved

An insightful videoessay byThe School of Life explains how a neglectful or traumatic childhood can lead some people to run from love despite the fact that it is counter intuitive to their needs.

They compare it to someone who is starving. When faced with food, the person finds that they can only eat a little at a time because their body cannot handle too much food at one sitting.

Let's imagine someone who grew up in an impoverished setting with a severely restricted diet. They had no option but to get used to only the smallest meals. The only way to survive was to need nearly nothing we might assume that when finally presented with abundance this person would eagerly try to make up for lost time but of course the very opposite occurs. Their digestive system, having adapted to scarcity, cannot process the richness before them.

They further posit that people who avoid commitment, might be able to explain what they need to a potential partner.

We can without, shame, teach our beloved that the kindest thing they might be able to do for us is not to be too kind to us or at least not too soon the most generous thing would be not to be too abundant. We want their love for sure, but we require it in very small doses and not all at once. We're going to need time on our own. There shouldn't be too many hugs. Compliments should be spaced apart. We appreciate the loveliness, we just need to take it in with a teaspoon.