Yes, I’m a half-Palestinian lesbian, but I dream of being a Republican congresswoman. Here’s my six-point plan | Arwa Mahdawi

Anything is possible with Trump ripping up all the rules - and I'm going to take full advantage

My haters are going to rejoice when I say this, but I think it's high time I changed careers. Being a half Palestinian, wholly homosexual freelance writer based in the US isn't currently looking like the most stable situation. Either my livelihood is going to get obliterated by AI, or I'm getting shipped to a detention centre for thoughtcrimes and gender treachery. It's anyone's guess which comes first.

Having mulled over the various directions my future could take (dog-cloning saleswoman, astronaut, head of sanitation for the city of Philadelphia), I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. And I'm going to exclusively reveal the result in this column. I'm ... going into politics!