Raising your child with Victorian hang-ups: a guide for parents | Taylor Glenn

Is your child too affectionate or expressive? Does this worry you? Worry no longer. Here are some tips to ensure your children grow up with a level of emotional suppression that would do any Victorian aristocrat proud.

American psychologist and author of several parenting books Charlotte Reznick has reportedly advised parents that kissing children on the lips is "too sexual." Speaking to the unfailingly respectable publication The Sun, Reznick allegedly explained that children are likely to be confused by the "stimulation" of kissing and the fact that their parents (and perhaps also their pets, dollies, and the entire cast of Friends) also kiss.

Although it's possible Reznick has been misquoted for effect, I'm going to stamp out that boring ambiguity by shouting Right on, Reznick! Just the other day as I was dutifully wiping my two-year old's crotch with a cold, wet wipe and avoiding eye contact, I was thinking how disgusting it is that parents have gotten away with this blatantly inappropriate form of physical contact for so long. What's next - letting them eat from boobs? Blech. Bring me an air sickness bag and a copy of The Stranger, stat.