An Old YouTube Comment
I just found this old YouTube comment that I made last year. It was the first time I'd discovered Pentatonix. I guess I was bored, because instead of ignoring the dumb comments, I decided to rip on this one guy forever. I barely remember writing this, but it made me chuckle so I figured I'd share it. Here's the entire comment, copy/pasted from YouTube"
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Hey, this is AWESOME! But I can't get 'too' excited yet. By my own, personal rule, I can't be a fan of anything, until a complete douche insults it in a derogatory way that uses absolutely no genuine criticism or evaluation of skill.
Now let's see"
"LOL bunch of faggots " - YaZoonDiya
And there it IS! But before I declare myself a Pentatonix fan, I 'will' have to inspect the comment to confirm its douchiness.
Hmmm". Yes. Yes, this is indeed a beautiful piece of work. The complete lack of any punctuation is a staple of the douche and to be expected, but let's take a closer look, shall we?
It starts with the capitalized "LOL" as an insult, which is the preferred weapon of the common douche, since they rarely understand that it's an acronym representing laughter, an involuntary reaction, universally representing happiness, and not" you know" a word.
Douches (especially the common house douche, which can thrive in a variety of climates), also appreciate the simplicity of "LOL", as it contains virtually no intellectual requirement to utilize. "LOL" is 'so' devoid of complexity (which can confuse and frustrate the common douche), that it is almost literally binary (i.e. "101"). It is this 'moron friendly' feature that makes the douche favour "LOL" in his attacks, despite the fact that it is about as effective as lobbing marshmallows at their enemies.
Next, we have a three word" um" sentence(?) that, I have to say, is breathtaking. Much like the dung beetles' ability to roll feces into a pristine ball, ten times its own body weight, the douche has a masterful ability to collect and use minimalization in ways that we cannot understand.
Notice how each word plays an integral part to conveying his message, without ever giving more than the most basic of information. "bunch" inticates that the douche has noticed that the group, Pentatonix is more than one individual. Yet the word does not give mention to how 'many' individuals there are, and this is because he does not know. But he does not 'need' to know. Herein, lies the beauty of the the common house douche's ability to turn a lack of intelligence into minimalistic sustenance.
"faggots", another common tool of the douche, has a dual purpose. While he is obviously using it in an attempt to harm or belittle his target, it is the underlying purpose of the word that is of the utmost importance. The douche, possessing no natural defences of his own, has evolved a very curious, but effective manner in which to defend his exposed ego from predators.
He ridicules homosexuals and thus, believes himself to be superior. While this does keep his ego protected, the effectiveness of the tactic is fleeting. And so, just as cattle must constantly eat grass to stay alive, the douche must constantly insult and degrade homosexuals, working the mention of them into as many conversation points as possible.
The most fascinating aspect to this behaviour, is that it is a symbiotic relationship. While the douche's ego receives protection as a result of this behaviour, the homosexual community can at times, find it fucking hilarious. So both species can benefit.
But as impressive as the douche is, he is not perfect. We see this represented here, with the word "of". This is a fatal flaw, as "bunch 'a' faggots" or "bunch 'o' faggots" would have provided more sustenance for this douche, which he would then have been able to store as reserves to get him through the winter. However, since this douche has used too much of his valuable energy to think up the proper word connecting "bunch" and "faggots", he will sadly starve before the upcoming winter passes. But it is nature and we must not intervene.
Join me next time, when I'll discuss the habitat and mating habits of the common douche.