StoryGoogle Glass future clouded as some early believers lose faith
Can't wait to see what other tracking devices they come up with for consumers to wear, as the field of "wearables" must certainly include more than just watches and glasses. Just to get them started, here are my humble suggestions:
- Tracking shoes: monitor your speed as you pass before shop windows in urban centers. Expect radically increased advertising from any shop before which your velocity slowed.
- Tracking underwear: monitors not only your hygiene and how many times you drop trou in a day, but your sexual activity via sensors that monitor hormone levels. Plus: if your G+ account shows you are a public school teacher and you show any signs of sexual arousal during inappropriate times of the day, the appropriate authorities are automatically notified. For Republican women only: underwear changes color with sexual activity so you can be identified and publicly shamed by politicians eager to get you all back into the kitchen and undo generations of sexual liberation).
- Tracking T-shirt: monitors your heartbeat as you watch different TV shows, correlates your pulse to specific scenes, and alters your twitter feed accordingly. Starting to see a lot of
ads for potato chips? Maybe you'll regret getting excited about that one cooking show.
- Tracking headband/skull-cap. Provides you with a unique number and uniquely-identifiable GPS location for easy drone strikes.
- Tracking belt: monitors your waistline and your body orientation. If you have a physical labor job and the belt ever identifies that
it'sin a horizontal position, your employer is immediately identified.
- Trackable deterrent: if you are registered as a sex offender, your GPS-identified location within 100m of a school, daycare center, or whatever automatically unleashes a 150v electric shock to your nads via the wearable/federally-mandated "google *ass" buttplug which converts your body heat into stored electrical charge for your next zapping. (See? efficient!) With each strike, the voltage goes up until you eventually auto-sterilize yourself by melting your willy.
Not marked as junk