The Register

You know it's time for an upgrade when your PC gets spanked by a sign Bork!Bork!Bork! The mean streets of Birmingham in England's West Midlands are our destination today, with an entry in the bork archive reminding us of the raw power of signage.…

Because our golf-obsessed boss has wandered off fondling his balls Something for the Weekend, Sir? "I am writing with regard to a data security incident relating to you."…

Be alert, not a-llam-ed Douyin, the Chinese app known as TikTok in the rest of the world, is apparently censoring Alpacas.…

Because now you have a bill to replace all these perfectly functional devices On Call Welcome back to On Call where this week we peek behind the scenes and see what happens when public-facing kit is reported as borked.…

Samsung and SK Hynix singled out as nation tries to become a titan South Korea's government announced a support package worth 510 trillion won (US$451bn) to bolster in-country chip production with the hopes of becoming a global supply chain leader.…

It's Space Race 2 for Russia and America Internet clothing mogul Yusaku Maezawa on Thursday said he and an assistant will take a 12-day trip to the International Space Station in December.…

Pen and sticky paper still a great analog productivity hack Obit Spencer Silver, the co-creator of Post-it Notes found in offices all over the world – occasionally with passwords written on them – has died at the age of 80.…

Testing dongle-driven ‘Cryptographic Attestation of Personhood’ and WebAuthn as alternative Poll Cloudflare has called on the world to “end this madness” by consigning Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart (CAPTCHAS) to the dustbin of history.…

First loss as a listed company thanks to Beijing’s $2.8bn antitrust fine Chinese tech giant Alibaba has posted its first loss as a listed entity, thanks to the $2.8bn antitrust fine imposed by local authorities, and also revealed that it has lost a major cloud customer “due to non-product related requirements.”…

Web giant tells us it's considering its response to €100m fine demand Google was tickled with a €100m fine by Italy’s monopoly watchdog on Thursday for unfairly holding back an Android app maker.…

Ad tech engineer out after autobiography sparks protest – and what does this say about iGiant's hiring process? Antonio García Martínez, hired by Apple last month as a product engineer on its ad platform team, no longer works for the iGiant following an employee petition objecting to his writings disparaging women and people of color.…

Cloud hyperscalers drive projects to slap restrictions on code use Percona’s CEO had taken a swipe at open-source software vendors switching to proprietary or less-permissive open-source licences in an attempt to avoid being run over by cloud giants.…

It’s the one lever you really need to get a grip on Webcast Moving to the cloud is so exciting isn’t it? New tools, unlimited infrastructure, a whole new world of analytics and machine learning. Why didn’t we do this years ago, they’ll ask?…

JAM with a distinct whiff of Redmond, as you would expect Microsoft's Azure Static Web Apps service, in preview since May 2020, is now generally available, together with extensions for Visual Studio Code to support local development and automatic deployment via GitHub.…

Anonymous sources get into war-by-media counterbriefing Colonial Pipeline's operators reportedly paid $5m to regain control of their digital systems and get the pipeline pumping oil following last week's ransomware infection.…

Sign-ups open in second half of 2021 Google has linked arms with SpaceX to hawk data and cloud services through the Starlink constellation.…

'I got bored sitting at home while retired ... I chose to go back to my roots' Language Summit Python creator Guido van Rossum this week told attendees at the Language Summit that he hopes to double performance in version 3.11.…

Paid fraction of his fellow execs, though he is worth $50+bn (just don't mention tax) For a man’s whose net worth is estimated at $50.7bn Michael Dell isn’t short of spare change, but he was paid a fraction of what his corporate generals received in fiscal 2021 after agreeing to forgo a huge chunk of his salary.…

We'll hire 7,000 to get it done by 2026, says boss BT's Openreach has promised to bring FTTP connectivity to 25 million premises by the end of 2026, an increase of 5 million against the previous target.…

Analyst: 'Company may need to license 7nm and below process tech' With the world facing a drought of crucial semiconductor components, Samsung Electronics has said it plans to dig a fresh borehole in the form of a new production facility, expected to open in Q2 next year.…

Good luck to whoever got that gig Stricken US bulk hydrocarbon conveyor Colonial Pipeline advertised for a new cybersecurity manager a month before that ransomware attack forced operators to shut down the pipeline as a pre-emptive safety measure.…

A few final tests then it's bags packed for French Guiana – and about time too ESA, CSA and NASA's James Webb Telescope opened its giant primary mirror one last time on Earth ahead of being packed up for long awaited launch later this year.…

Read my blips Video A combination of brain implants and a neural network helped a 65-year-old man paralyzed from the neck down type out text messages on a computer at 90 characters per minute, faster than any other known brain-machine interface.…

They are personal data, you know. Wait – you did know that, right? Exclusive Manchester City Council exposed online the number plates of more than 60,000 cars slapped with parking tickets, breaking data protection laws as it did so.…

'More data, more breadth, more depth... it's the whole f&*king deal' Updated The NHS is preparing for the "biggest data grab" in the history of the service, giving patients little information or warning about the planned transfer of medical records from GP surgeries in England to a central store for research purposes – and with no prospect of the data being deleted.…

Also: Why Rust in Android will use the Soong build system, not Cargo The Rust 2021 Edition Working Group has scheduled the new version for release in October, with what it says are small changes that amount to a significant improvement.…

'My Number' identifier to become central to myriad government services if the plan works Japan has passed laws that will allow it to create a new Agency to lead a national digital transformation effort.…

HTML and CSS? What is this, 2003? Analysis Over the next few months, Google plans to change the way its online word processor Docs renders its pages in web browsers, and collateral damage is expected.…

Says picking a replacement is your next step. Seriously, that’s Redmond's first piece of advice. Eventually it recommends Quorum Microsoft has announced the imminent death of its Azure Blockchain service.…

It’s faulty, struggling to scale, lacks a dedicated privacy policy As India struggles to cope with its savage second wave of COVID-19 infections, its government is being criticised for an API that critics say is creating inequities in the nation’s vaccination program.…

CEO wakes up to BTC's connection to coal, holds onto the stash until mining becomes more eco friendly Tesla CEO Elon Musk has announced his electric car maker will stop accepting Bitcoin payments for its vehicles.…

Get ready for SANS Institute's biggest ever Asia-Pacific training event Promo Whatever your plans for the third quarter of 2021, an emerging security vulnerability or a network security breach has the potential to throw them into disarray. Unless, of course, you’ve made the effort to hone your existing skills or expand your knowledge into new areas ahead of time.…

If only there was a business to consult about chip shortages? Ah, that's right. Huawei, awks America's communications watchdog has issued a public request for comments from telco providers and suppliers to see how they're faring amid the ongoing chip crunch.…

Biz to be removed from naughty list following out-of-court settlement The Pentagon has agreed it will no longer label Xiaomi a Communist Chinese military company after the smartphone maker sued Uncle Sam to overturn the designation.…

Chip in if you want more chips, analyst house suggests Gartner indicated today the ongoing chip shortages are likely to persist until the second quarter of 2022 as production simply can't keep pace with orders.…

You gotta work hard for those three-bytes-a-second transfers, though Apple's Find My network, used to locate iOS and macOS devices – and more recently AirTags and other kit – also turns out to be a potential espionage tool.…

vRangarajan vRaghuram is vBoss after vMotion to vTop VMware has announced a new CEO and a major shakeup in its management team following the departure of Pat Gelsinger to head up Intel.…

Unlimited picture-hosting service suddenly gets very limited Amazon has confirmed people are unable to upload files to its Photos storage service, and believes it will be fixed sometime today.…

Fortnite maker wheels out economist to explain how Apple works The ongoing federal court trial in California between Apple and Epic Games has provided some unprecedented levels of insight into the iOS platform and iPhone. But most of all, it has confirmed things we already knew.…

The Wicker man: US Commerce Committee senator questions Toshiba, Seagate and WD Updated US Commerce Committee Senator Roger Wicker is on a mission to find out if HDD makers stateside are shipping drives to Huawei, and has fired off questions to Seagate, Toshiba America Electronic Components (TAEC) and Western Digital.…

Join us online and learn about modern extortionware and how to frustrate it Webcast It’s shocking how blasé ransomware-toting criminals can be about freezing the operations of any organisation they can insinuate themselves into, including critical utilities or medical facilities.…

Perpetual licence still offered, but with downgraded features Mac-only drawing application Sketch is being repositioned as "a fully integrated platform for design and collaboration," though non-subscription users now have downgraded licences.…

Foundation is 'passive investor' alongside private equity firm Dediq, firm says SAP chairman Hasso Plattner's charitable foundation has said it invested in a joint venture between private equity firm Dediq and SAP designed to develop technology for the financial services market.…

Well, the telco always said it's good to talk: Negotiations over jobs, pay, grading, and more set for this month Exclusive BT has halted all compulsory redundancies on the eve of a national ballot for strike action across the group, the telco and union CWU today confirmed. It follows 15 days of strikes waged by a small band of engineers in Openreach.…

Company continues to make losses without troubling space Virgin Galactic reckons it has dealt with an electromagnetic interference (EMI) problem that aborted a recent test flight just as another technical gremlin rears its head.…

So says Foreign Secretary in lacklustre speech to NCSC faithful CyberUK 21 Britain is to spend £22m on training African and Indo-Pacific nations to stave off cyber influences from "authoritarian regimes", foreign secretary Dominic Raab said today.…

Q1 revenue up, losses widen, boss says new Elastic Engineering cloud product selling fast There are two things that typically make Wall Street investment analysts go weak at the knees when it comes to quarterly conference calls with tech execs: expanding cloud services and gory details of cost pruning.…

Creator deletes posts alleging 'mismanagement' to blame The open-source Babel JavaScript compiler project is running out of money with big sponsors having pulled out, according to its core team. And its creator yesterday threw a spanner into the works by claiming on Twitter that he believed funds were "misallocated."…

Broadcom unveils an HBA to complete the set of seventh-gen kit Fibre Channel hasn't been exciting since storage area networks were young, hot, and pretty. But the protocol is still around, still has devotees, and just got an upgrade.…

Another satellite constellation prepares for launch, this one aimed at next-gen connectivity for IoT devices 5G IoT operator OQ Technology has inked a deal with satellite firm NanoAvionics to build what OQ boss Omar Qaise described as a "flying cell tower in orbit."…