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Updated 2025-05-19 07:46
Ho hum: If you're so artificially intelligent, name this song while my videos go viral
My careful plan to save the economy Something for the Weekend, Sir? People say I don’t care but I do. I care a lot.…
Fancy a steaming portion of Kentucky Fried Bork? A fingerlickin' flub that's pure poultry in motion
Greasy goodness plays havoc with a PC's disk Bork!Bork!Bork! The best borks are the simplest, and today's is no exception. A black screen, a plaintive message, and a nugget of the Colonel's menu for the hungry masses has been lost.…
IBM builds AI that correctly predicts onset of Alzheimer’s 71% of the time, better than standard clinical tests
IBM builds AI that correctly predicts onset of Alzheimer’s 71% of the time, better than standard clinical tests Machine-learning algorithms analyzing human communication can predict whether someone will develop Alzheimer’s disease more accurately than standard biomedical screening, say IBM and Pfizer.…
The engineer lurking behind the curtain: Musical monitors on a meagre IT budget
The 'S' in SX, stands for 'Sporty', ok? On Call One of the hardest tasks in IT is giving a user what they need, while also persuading them it's what they want. Join us for another tale from our weekly On Call column where a Register reader achieved the seemingly impossible.…
Ed Snowden doesn’t need to worry about being turfed out of Russia any more
Immigration reforms allowing more skilled workers to stay seem to have resulted in permanent residency Russia has apparently given super-leaker and former NSA sysadmin Edward Snowden de facto permanent residence.…
What makes data scientists look so cool? The data engineers doing the real work
With DSTI’s data engineering MSc, you can study in Paris, Nice, Lagos… or home Promo Data scientists like to think of themselves as doing the sexiest job of the 21st century, but it’s only because data engineers let them think that way.…
After Dutch bloke claims he hacked Trump's Twitter by guessing password, web biz says there's 'no evidence'
It's saying something when it's easy to believe the US President's passphrase was maga2020! Donald Trump's Twitter password was easily guessed, and he still isn't using multi-factor authentication, claims a Dutch hacker who on Thursday bragged he broke into the President's account last week. Twitter says it has "no evidence" this claim is true.…
Facebook is leaky, creepy, and trashy. Now it wants to host some of your customer data
Reveals hosting service for WhatsApp Business API and gives its partners reasons to be fearful Facebook wants to host some of your customer data, an offer that hurts its own partner community.…
China reveals audit of 320,000 local apps, with 34 booted from app stores and hundreds of devs warned they could suffer same fate
Privacy crackdown in the land of ubiquitous surveillance, where 5G now blankets all cities Through most of 2020 bans on Chinese apps have meant geopolitical strife, but China yesterday revealed it has started banning some of its own apps.…
After first floating $20bn penalty, DoJ suggests $60m fine for UMC's theft of Micron’s DRAM secrets
Taiwanese chipmaker promises ‘substantial assistance’ in ongoing China IP theft action Taiwanese chip-maker United Microelectronics Corporation (UMC) will plead guilty to theft of trade secrets from Micron Technologies and pay a $60m fine to the USA.…
Down the Swanny: '2020 has been the most challenging year in my career' says Intel CEO as profit plunges 30%
Enterprise and govt data-center sales halve, Xeon processors delayed Intel shares dived today after it revealed a steep slump in enterprise and government sales of its server chips – and delays to its latest Xeons.…
Is it Iran or Russia's hackers we need to worry about? The Russians, definitely the Russians, says US intelligence
Energetic Bear team caught breaking into govt systems, no harm done to Nov 3 elections The FBI and the US government's Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency on Thursday issued a joint warning that a Kremlin hacking crew is probing or breaking into systems belonging to the US government and aviation industry.…
Love Minecraft: Java? You'll have to learn to love your Microsoft account as well – it will be required next year
Mojang bows to the inevita... oh, look – a free cape! With the inevitability of death and taxes, Microsoft-owned Mojang is to require players have a Microsoft account for all its games, including the Java Edition of Minecraft.…
Boeing puts Loyal Wingman robot fighter jet through its paces... on the ground
I feel the need, the need for 16mph taxiing in safety Rise of the Machines Boeing has successfully taxied its Loyal Wingman robot fighter jet around an airfield, a key milestone for the aircraft to operate fully autonomously.…
Slow and steady progress in Microsoft's latest diversity report, though most execs still pale and male
US lawmakers can look away now. Actually, don't Amid grumbling from lawmakers, Microsoft has pushed out a fresh diversity report, sprinkling the odd "must try harder" among the corporate back slappery.…
Out to launch: Huawei rolls out speedy charging Mate 40 and Mate 40 Pro flagships
Mate 40 family could be the company’s ‘last hurrah’ in smartphones outside China - analyst Beleaguered mobile biz Huawei’s Consumer Business Group has rolled out its newest flagship devices: the Mate 40 and Mate 40 Pro.…
Like a good defragging? The latest Dev Channel Windows 10 might be for you
For everyone else there are splash screens, fixes and iffy anti-malware Fresh from nudging the October 2020 Update out of the door, Microsoft has emitted an update to next year's Windows 10 in the form of a fresh Insider Dev Channel build.…
French IT outsourcer Sopra Steria hit by 'cyberattack', Ryuk ransomware suspected
You know, the firm that runs half of NHS Business Services French-headquartered IT outsourcer Sopra Steria has been struck by a “cyberattack,” reportedly linked to the Ryuk ransomware gang.…
Ever wondered what exactly is going on in those containers? OpenTelemetry edges toward GA, emits tracing specification release candidate
Open source observability for debugging and tracing The OpenTelemetry community has taken another step toward General Availability with the first release candidate of the tracing specification.…
COVID-struck holiday rentals firm Airbnb shacks up with ex Apple design honcho Jony Ive in multi-year deal
No, he's not dragging his cool vintage steamer-style suitcase onto an IKEA armchair in a host villa ... it's a 'special' design relationship Jony Ive’s design firm LoveFrom has inked a deal with the app-that-takes-a-cut-of-users'-holiday-rentals Airbnb in a multi-year “special relationship,” the short-term gig economy rental platform said today.…
Today's tech giants won't be as naive as I was in DoJ dealings, says former Microsoft chief Bill Gates
'I didn’t realise that our success would lead to government attention' Microsoft co-founder and long-serving ex-CEO Bill Gates has admitted naivety in his dealings with Washington around the software giant’s fabled antitrust case with the US Department of Justice (DoJ).…
Samsung to introduce automatic call blocking on Android 11-capable flagships
Yeah I've heard you were in a car accident that wasn't your fault. Is that right? *Click* Samsung phones will soon come with automatic spam call blocking. The feature, which is part of Samsung Smart Call, will debut on the Galaxy Note20 and will roll out to all new devices released after 2020.…
ISS air leakage fixed in time for crew handover, thanks to floating teabag
Also: Starlinks soar but GPS stays grounded, NASA names first Virgin Galactic flier In Brief There was good news for International Space Station (ISS) residents this week as the crew managed to plug a leak in the orbiting laboratory. While never an immediate threat to the crew's safety, nobody likes knowing that air is escaping overboard.…
NHS awards £500m everything-and-the-kitchen-sink framework to a long list of resellers
Backup, servers, storage, LAN, WAN and SAN, and software galore NHS Shared Business Services, the joint venture between the UK’s Department of Health and Social Care and French outsourcing firm Sopra Steria, has awarded a £500m framework to an army of resellers and technology firms.…
Dulux feel lucky, punk? Samsung wades into paint world with interior emulsions designed to 'complement' your, er, TV
Yes your TV has a 'lifestyle'. Yes we have all been indoors for much, much too long You’ve got the TV. You splashed out on the sound system. But do you have the paint? That’s the question posed by Samsung, which just introduced LivingColour — a range of paint designed to cover the wall behind your pricey flat-screen idiot box.…
Bitcoin value jumps as PayPal says it will accept cryptocurrencies... once it has the kinks worked out
Online payment goliath wants to encourage global use of virtual dosh The value of Bitcoin spiked on Wednesday after PayPal said it would soon start accepting cryptocurrencies, including Bitcoin, Ethereum, Bitcoin Cash, and Litecoin, through its online payment system.…
We know there are a lot of, er, distractions right now but NASA's got some sweet video of its asteroid rubble raiser
Incredible scoop, read all about it , read all about it Video NASA on Wednesday released images and video footage of the moment this week when its OSIRIS-Rex spacecraft scooped some dirt from the asteroid Bennu, some 200 million miles away. The plan is to send the sample back to Earth for boffins to study.…
HPE bags $160m to build 550-PFLOPS super for Europe out of tomorrow's AMD Epyc processors, graphics chips
Finns are going Cray cray HPE will build a Cray EX supercomputer for scientific and AI research in Europe, using AMD Epyc processors and GPUs, it announced on Wednesday.…
OpenStack at 10 years old: A failure on its own terms, a success in its own niche
And with China’s web giants showing it is capable of enormous scale, there’s still plenty of potential Analysis When OpenStack announced itself on July 19, 2010, it gave itself a mission “to produce the ubiquitous OpenSource Cloud Computing platform that will meet the needs of public and private clouds regardless of size, by being simple to implement and massively scalable.”…
The hills are alive with the sound of Azure as Microsoft pledges Austrian bit barns
You are six nines, I am seven nines, will these reliability stats sink? Microsoft has announced yet another cloud region, this time in Austria.…
Iran sent threatening pro-Trump emails to American Democrats, Russia close behind, says US intelligence
No, say it ain't so, maga_christ9000@post.ir Menacing emails to Democratic voters, telling them to vote for Donald Trump in the upcoming US elections or else, were sent by Iran, US intelligence claimed on Wednesday night.…
Congrats, Meg Whitman, another multi-billion-dollar write-off for the CV: Her web vid upstart Quibi implodes
$2bn Alt-Netflix for those with short attention spans closes after short lifespan Video-streaming upstart Quibi, which tried to differentiate itself from the likes of Netflix by offering episodes that only that ran for ten minutes max, will close its doors.…
Thought the FBI were the only ones able to unlock encrypted phones? Pretty much every US cop can get the job done
Massive public records request reveals scale of warrantless surveillance Never mind the Feds. American police forces routinely "circumvent most security features" in smartphones to extract mountains of personal information, according to a report that details the massive, ubiquitous cracking of devices by cops.…
Big Telco freaks out as unknown operator with great political connections vies for valuable 5G space in America
The swamp is full to the brim as usual in Washington DC, it seems Analysis The powerful US telco lobby has come out fighting against an outsider and its efforts to snaffle tens of billions of dollars worth of much-needed 5G spectrum.…
Coronavirus outbreak triggered a rush of online attacks against retail loyalty schemes, Akamai reckons
Digital souks are sitting ducks for identity fraudsters Hackers are breaking into online loyalty card accounts using stolen credentials or easily obtainable information, and then not only ransacking the profiles' balances but also harvesting victims' personal data for subsequent identity theft, Akamai has warned.…
How much does Oracle love you? Thiiiis much: Latest patch bundle has 402 fixes
How many times do you want to read the CVSS rating 9.8 today? Oracle has released its final quarterly batch of patches for the year for security flaws in its products. The total this time? 402 fixes, the bulk of which are rated critical in terms of severity.…
Developer survey: C# losing ground to JavaScript, PHP and Java for cloud apps, still big in gaming
Plus: What puts off developers from adopting cloud? Price A new developer survey has shown the popularity of C#, the primary language of Microsoft's .NET platform, slipping from third to sixth place in three years, though usage is still growing in absolute terms and it is particularly popular in game development.…
State of Iowa told no, you can’t use $21m coronavirus federal aid to help fund your $52m Workday roll-out
...even if your 18-year-old mainframe keeps getting flooded and falling over In a warning to all those inclined towards budgetary imagination when finding funds for their next IT project, heed the lessons that are currently being learnt in a certain corner of the midwestern US.…
SiFive reminds everyone you don't always need to offload vector math: Here's a RISC-V CPU that can process it, too
VIU75 core is 64-bit, runs Linux, supports RV vector extension SiFive, in its ongoing march to help make RISC-V a mainstream processor architecture, will today launch its VIU75 CPU core capable of accelerating vector math.…
UK state of the Internet report: Virgin Media 'fast', BT's PlusNet last
Plus: Crowd-sourced data sniffer Ookla hits out at rivals' methodologies Crowd-sourced speed data wrangler Ookla has published its Q3 State of the Internet report, which highlights how UK fixed-line and cellular providers have fared in the months July to September.…
Run Windows on a Chromebook: All the details. Not so fast, home user...
Parallels' Windows on Chrome OS solution is Enterprise-only, but why? Virtualisation software folk at Parallels have released details of a solution for running Windows on Google's ChromeOS.…
Another Chromium browser for Linux? Microsoft Edge arrives in preview form, no love for Arm yet
One question: Why Redmond, why? Ah, you need to meet developers wherever they are... Microsoft has delivered on its threat to inflict Chromium Edge on Linux. Completist tendencies aside, one would be forgiven for wondering, "Why?"…
Who knew? Hadoop is over, says former Hortonworks guru Scott Gnau
Teradata veteran talks up his new home at InterSystems as best of both worlds Interview Tech history comes in waves. One minute you’re riding a crest, the next you’re wiped out. Just ask Scott Gnau, former CTO of Hortonworks, the company once seen as the figurehead of the big data boom.…
Windows 10 October 2020 Update arrives: Nothing that will drop your jaw, but we've had enough of 2020's fun surprises anyway
Steady as she goes for Microsoft as Edge turns up and Start gets a buffing Good news for Windows fans, the October 2020 Update is here, for some people at least, and the known issues list isn't as bad as the last one.…
Logitech breezes past $1bn sales barrier in its Q2. That's a hell of a lot of mice, keyboards and web cams
Pandemic? Only in that not enough webcams are being made. CEO talks WFH trend, video calls and eSports The pandemic has been kind to some parts of the tech industry and desperately cruel to others. For peripherals-maker Logitech, life has never been so good, with quarterly sales cruising past $1bn for the first time.…
AWS open sources porting assistant for .NET: Early days for 'a broad problem'
Microsoft says no need to move but gap between .NET Framework and .NET Core is growing AWS has published its Porting Assistant for .NET - which is supposed to help those wishing to convert .NET Framework projects to .NET Core - as open source on GitHub.…
Vivo Las Blowers: Chinese smartphone brand hops into Europe's crowded mobe market
Well, there's a Huawei-shaped opening thanks to Mr Trump and co Another month, and another Chinese mobile behemoth is trying its hand at the European smartphone sector. This time, it's the turn of Vivo, which just released a slew of devices, including its X50 5G flagship.…
Got an irritating itch you just can't scratch? That'll be Windows wanting an update
No, we're a chemist. We don't sell that sort of patch. Bork!Bork!Bork! Welcome to another in The Register's series of computers (largely Windows-based) doing the most annoying of things in public places.…
Kick Google all you like, Mozilla tells US government, so long we keep getting our Google-bucks
In case you've forgotten: Google sends Mozilla about $400m a year Mozilla has responded to news of the US government’s antitrust lawsuit against Google by saying it welcomes it … provided it doesn’t get hurt.…
Is Google fudging search rankings to benefit pages that embed YouTube vids? Or is this just another ‘bug’?
Websites featuring get super-fast rating despite slower reality In yet another indication that Google uses its domination of the search engine market to benefit its own services, SEO experts have noticed an unusual in-built benefit involve its YouTube video giant.…
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