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Today, we’re talking about pizza, paper, tolerating sporting events while sober, cream cheese, and more.

Video game characters love their bows and arrows, but I hate to be the bearer of bad news—almost all of them are terrible at archery. As an archer myself, I’ve had to spend a lot of time teaching and observing the sport, so I thought it might be appropriate to explain why, in real life, some of your favorite…Read more...

Some people are fans of the San Francisco 49ers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the San Francisco 49ers. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

You won’t have Mark Sanchez to kick around anymore on NFL Sundays. Instead, please reschedule your buttfumble jokes for Saturdays.

The FIBA World Cup begins in China on the last day of August. After a training camp in early August, Team USA will set its 12-man roster by August 12. Who will still be standing at that point?

The limits of the law are tested not by the easy subjects, but by the difficult ones.

At this point, I’m ready to believe anything about Magic Johnson’s ability to screw over the Los Angeles Lakers, which according to a new report from The Athletic, was not lost with his departure from the team’s front office.Read more...

Russian boxer Maxim Dadashev died this morning, four days after suffering severe brain damage in his fight against Puerto Rican boxer Subriel Matias. He was 28 years old.Read more...

The USWNT will soon enter mediation with the U.S. Soccer Federation in an effort to resolve the team’s equal pay lawsuit. Former USWNT star Hope Solo is concerned about whether the current national team will have the kind of cussed hard-ass they’ll need on their side so that they don’t settle for anything less than…Read more...

The day I have dreaded since I was a child is here: Boris Johnson will be Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. By winning the Conservative Party leadership contest on Tuesday—he secured a majority of votes from the 160,000 members of the party in a country of 66 million people (that’s 0.24 percent of the population),…Read more...

Now that free agency is settled and the draft is over and summer league has come and gone, the only thing NBA fans have left to consume before the start of the season is shaky, grainy footage of their favorite players participating in offseason workouts. These clips are always circulated by some shooting coach or …Read more...

Calgary was—was—one of the success stories in the stadium scam. The city’s leadership had stood strong against a 2017 push to replace the Saddledome with a new arena for the Flames, and, ultimately the city residents made the decision. Amid an unprecedented attempt by the NHL and Gary Bettman to force out Mayor Naheed…Read more...

The college admissions cheating scandal revealed the details of a formalized process for jamming the failchildren of wealthy and prominent families into otherwise credible and prestigious universities, using an expensive “side door” for parents whose wealth leaves them a rung or two shy of the opportunity to just fund…Read more...

The Twins and Yankees are playing the opener of a three-game series Monday night in Minnesota, where the Twins offense has become basically a howitzer firing baseballs into the outfield stands. These are two of the top three teams in the American League, so this series has some juice.

Things have mostly improved in recent years, but there was a while there 3-5 years back where the developers of NBA2K were more interested in getting NBA players into the recording studio than in checking whether they were actually any good at voice acting first.

Legendary Spurs big man Tim Duncan has graduated from unofficial “coach of whatever he feels like” under Gregg Popovich to an official job as a Spurs assistant coach. Popovich’s coaching staff has lost quite a few assistants over the last year or so: last summer James Borrego left to become head coach of the Charlotte…Read more...

Since Chinese swimmer Sun Yang won two gold medals at the 2012 Beijing Olympics, he has been the most dominant freestyle swimmer in the world. He’s the only swimmer in history to win either a World Championship or an Olympic gold medal in every freestyle distance from 200 meters to 1,500 meters. His rivals, however,…Read more...

Juventus forward Cristiano Ronaldo won’t face any criminal charges over an allegation that he raped a woman in a Las Vegas hotel in 2009, prosecutor Steve Wolfson said in a statement today, because Wolfson believes the charge can’t be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.Read more...

Disgraced former Maryland Terrapins head coach D.J. Durkin will, bizarrely, be making an appearance in the NFL this year. As Atlanta Falcons training camp begins, the team has announced that Durkin will serve as a “guest coach,” which means he’ll watch practice for 10 days and consult with head coach Dan Quinn.Read more...

Dean Ambrose is dead. Long live Jon Moxley.Read more...

Al Franken, according to a new piece in the New Yorker by Jane Mayer, regrets resigning from his Senate seat at the end of 2017, after many of his fellow Democratic senators called for him to step down in the wake of numerous allegations of unwanted and inappropriate kissing and touching. The stories had come like a…Read more...

Golden Warriors fan Trevor Laub had a wonderful grift going at the team’s arena that allowed him to sneak courtside for games. And then last week, he revealed it to all the damn YouTubers.Read more...

The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for ridicule when he…Read more...

Since Bernard Hinault won the 1985 Tour de France, the French have been shut out of their home Grand Tour. Riders from Germany, Italy, Spain, the United States, Ireland, Australia, Great Britain, Denmark, and even Luxembourg have all taken home the yellow jersey, while French riders have come up short over and over…Read more...

Plans change. That’s the best thing about them. Inflexible thought is kindling, and only the adroit bully survives. Kawhi Leonard changed the topography of the NBA by winning a championship. Anthony Davis changed it by crushing New Orleans’s hope before the first national anthem was shrieked. And Madison Bumgarner ...…Read more...

Parallel strips of golden brown goodness on chops and steaks may scream “summer cooking,” but grill marks are—in fact—quite dumb. I don’t say this because my apartment dwelling ways have left me lacking in the grill department; I say this because Meathead Goldwyn (undisputed Grill King) told me so, and because it…Read more...

This year’s release of the Green Bay Packers’ financials is a bit more revealing than usual. The disclosures include what’s by now become a standard glimpse into the mammoth annual growth of the NFL’s national TV revenues; the NFL has been raking in assloads of money for years, and there’s still no sign of a slowdown.…Read more...

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Some people are fans of the Arizona Cardinals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Arizona Cardinals. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

A prolonged transfer saga can either be endlessly entertaining or relentlessly dreary, depending on your point of view. The Gareth Bale transfer saga was somehow straddling the line between both extremes, but has taken a decidedly taken a gloomy turn this weekend.Read more...

Huckberry Summer ClearanceRead more...

ESPN personality Dan Le Batard is not hosting his daily radio show this morning, a decision that he reportedly made after having spent the weekend talking to ESPN president Jimmy Pitaro about the network’s policy against talking politics. The reasoning behind Le Batard’s absence was reported by John Ourand of the …Read more...

UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones fought against Thiago Santos on July 6 while a bench warrant was out in New Mexico for his arrest on a charge of battery. That’s according to court docs first uncovered by Albuquerque’s KRQE, which show that Jones was charged on April 19 and failed to appear in court on June 11.Read more...

Historically, when the Edmonton Oilers and “one for one” appear in the same sentence, bad things happen. Apocalyptic, hysterical, team-crippling things. Punchlines with years and years of mileage. This isn’t that. Peter Chiarelli is gone, and now, miraculously, so is Milan Lucic. Under just about any circumstances,…Read more...

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This past week, Oklahoma City police filed a search warrant to get information about a person who left two threatening voicemails in the general mailbox for the Oklahoma City Thunder. That person made the calls shortly after 1 a.m. on July 6 from a number with a Georgia area code—though the caller claimed to be from…Read more...

A Pirates-Phillies game was interrupted on Sunday in the top of the sixth by one of the slowest idiots on the field. The guy apparently just walked onto the field and casually strolled up to the batter’s box as Philadelphia’s Brad Miller was getting ready to go up to bat. Miller started backing away from the dude as…Read more...

As the top golfer in the world, Brooks Koepka has shown that he has no problem confronting, or at least calling out, his fellow competitors when he takes issue with something they’ve done. It’s the kind of personality that led him to calling Sergio Garcia a whiny baby, and getting into a physical altercation with…Read more...

Saturday’s downright oppressive heatwave has affected a portion of the United States that spans from the Northeast all the way to certain parts of the Midwest. In the NYC/Southern New York state area, an excessive heat warning has been in effect all weekend until 8 p.m. on Sunday, and the National Weather Service has…Read more...

While it does carry some importance in terms of team fitness and strategic practice, gimmicky preseason tournaments are often seen as nuisances for both managers and players. Nobody on the pitch necessarily wants to play longer than they have to, but that appeared to be the direction that Juventus and Tottenham were…Read more...

It was only a matter of time before ESPN decided to do something in response to Dan Le Batard very correctly calling the network’s anti-politics stance “cowardly,” after he denounced the “send her back” chants that Trump’s racist supporters decided to hoot and holler on Thursday. Surprisingly, however, the response…Read more...

Manny Pacquiao’s fight with Keith Thurman on Saturday went the distance, and ultimately resulted in an electrifying split-decision victory for the 40-year-old fighter, who became the oldest welterweight champion in the sport’s history.Read more...

The type of reflexes that people get once they become parents cannot be overstated enough. The latest example of this came during Saturday’s Angels-Mariners game in Seattle. When Luís Rengifo smacked a foul ball into the crowd, a proud Mariners dad lifted his right arm into the air and nonchalantly snagged that…Read more...

A grand champion lamb is currently under investigation after a veterinarian discovered a foreign substance in the animal’s system that might have given it an unfair advantage over its competitors. Tests from the Ohio Department of Agriculture reveal that the lamb was given a diuretic, which is banned for competitive…Read more...

The Rockies and Yankees are having two very different seasons, with the Bronx Bombers having the best record in the American League and the purple lads from Colorado being trapped in a tailspin on the way to being the worst team in the National League not named the Marlins. Given that conventional methods of trying to…Read more...

It’s that time of year where reporters and other media members get to ask questions to college football coaches that often lead to these meathead leaders of the gridiron showing their ass on topics they’re clearly not too well-versed on. The most recent edition of this annual tradition features University of Michigan…Read more...

After a week of ducking questions about the origins of her regrettable World Cup victory parade partnership with the racist and misogynist clown show that is Barstool Sports, Christen Press finally responded last night. It will surprise no one that Barstool’s version of events was misleading.

Danny Jansen was missing out on the offensive fun his teammates were getting into on Friday as the Blue Jays were absolutely steamrolling the Tigers. While his team had gotten up to a 9-0 lead in the top of the sixth, Jansen had started the game going 0-for-3 from the plate.Read more...

Earlier this week, Zlatan Ibrahimovic did what Zlatan Ibrahimovic does best and decided to talk some shit. He questioned the validity of Carlos Vela’s career, declared that he was the best player in MLS “by far,” and said that on the pitch he’s “like a Ferrari among Fiats.” The timing of these comments was certainly…Read more...

An electronic insect repeller, Dyson’s latest vacuum, and an essential 30 oz. tumbler lead off Saturday’s best deals from around the web.Read more...