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The defending champion Capitals rained righteous hellfire on the Boston Bruins Wednesday night, crushing them 7-0 in front of a celebratory crowd in their season opener. The Bruins are a bunch of ornery bastards when they’re up 7-0, but when Caps center Lars Eller picked up the last of his team’s goals midway through…Read more...

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So you want to try a standing desk, but you’re not ready to commit to it for eight hours a day...what do you do? You buy this monitor riser for $120, an all-time low.

Luke Voit is a meaty midwestern lad who can’t or won’t button up his jersey all the way and whose grandmother still sends him $25 for every home run he hits, and there have been a lot of $25 checks from Nana in the last couple of months.

If you have some bare spaces on your walls at home, you can fill them with Vintage Book Art prints, just $10 each in today’s Gold Box. Each art print is layered atop an actual vintage dictionary page, meaning every single piece is completely unique. You don’t get to pick the words on your page, but you do get to pick…Read more...

The Athletics had a fascinating regular season, and were a ton of fun to follow, and it would’ve been neat to watch a genuine underdog that got to this point in such a weird and surprising way go up against the powerhouse Red Sox in the ALDS. Alas, the dream died Wednesday when the Yankees smashed up Oakland’s “…Read more...

Alabama beat the shit out of the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette on Saturday. By the end of the first quarter the Crimson Tide had a 28-point lead; by the end of the half it was 49. Louisiana scored a couple of touchdowns in the fourth quarter, but by that time they were already down 56 points. Alabama gained 608…Read more...

The Capitals wasted absolutely no time in getting their Stanley Cup-defending season off on the right foot following a long and Barry Trotz-less banner-hanging ceremony. Just 24 seconds or so into the game—before NBCSN had even had a chance to put the scoreboard chyron on the screen—TJ Oshie ripped a one-timer into…Read more...

The Capitals did their big banner raising ceremony before Wednesday night’s season opener. It was very long! It included both a four-and-a-half minute montage set to Mumford & Sons, and a three-and-a-half minute montage set to Queen, and then an excruciatingly slow two-and-a-half minute raising of the banner. What it…Read more...

With many of the cameras and reporters gone, the fourth Senate hearing about sexual abuse in Olympic sports took on a different tone. There was no yelling. There was no demanding of answers. CEOs of the organizations that oversee Olympic sports had a few chuckles. The grandstanding was gone, just the empty gestures of…Read more...

The Georgia Bulldogs baseball team has reportedly dismissed first baseman Adam Sasser over racial slurs he allegedly shouted from the stands at Georgia quarterback Justin Fields during Saturday’s home win over Tennessee.Read more...

The only good bear is a fat bear.

We see a lot of deals around the web over on Kinja Deals, but these were our ten favorites today.

Every pro golfer hits a bad ball now and again, and some pro golfers hit a bad ball that catches someone in the gallery, but only one pro golfer hit a bad ball that exploded someone’s eyeball. That pro golfer feels guilty.Read more...

Major League Baseball announced today that Cubs shortstop Addison Russell has been suspended 40 games following the league’s investigation into allegations that he abused his ex-wife, Melisa Reidy-Russell.

Did you hear? Kobe Bryant is a body-care guru now. Partnering with a pair of business-bro whipdicks and a smattering of pro athletes, including NBA MVP James Harden, he’s launching a line of beauty products for athletes and men who want to pretend they are athletes. Here’s a link to an article about it from Women’s…Read more...

The NHL has suspended Washington Capitals goon Tom Wilson 20 games for his hit to the head of Blues forward Oskar Sundqvist in a preseason game on Sunday. The suspension for the hit comes down just hours before the Capitals open up their season against the Bruins.Read more...

I don’t know which is more impressive: the leaping, spinning kick that Phillipe Coutinho pulled off to salvage what looked like a squandered goal-scoring chance, or the leaping pile driver of a shot Ivan Rakitić put on the other end of Coutinho’s pass to give Barcelona a 2-0 lead on Tottenham:Read more...

Simply put, Hawaii is the freakin’ best. And it’s cheaper than you might expect with this vacation package from Apple Vacations, in partnership with Travelzoo. The cheapest deal starts at $869 with a five-night stay at the Hilton Hawaiian Village Waikiki Beach Resort with airfare out of Seattle.

Like all games when played at the highest level, tennis often requires managing and toying with an opponent’s expectations. Do you think they’ll hit the ball cross-court? Ready yourself for that ball. But maybe they think you think they’ll hit it cross-court? Stay vigilant for the down-the-line. What if they think…Read more...

This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here.

The Vancouver Canucks are a young team, so like seemingly all young men, their players are obsessed with Fortnite. They love it. Can’t get enough of it. Flossing and shit when they score goals. (So: rarely.) Locking themselves in their hotel rooms and gaming until the sun comes up, instead of the time-honored…Read more...

Ajax midfielder Hakim Ziyech’s soaring cross-field pass in yesterday’s match against Bayern Munich was always beautiful, but watching it from this particular camera angle on loop sends it from “wow, that was cool” to “it’s been 30 minutes since I hit play on this video and I still haven’t moved”:Read more...

What’s better than five pounds of gummy bears?

Homecoming: What does it mean? How does it make you feel? Can you eat it?Read more...

Until the Capitals broke through to win their first Cup, the Penguins, Blackhawks, and Kings dominated the NHL as the most effective triumvirate since Roman times. Instead of ending with stabbings and civil war, the modern NHL version collapsed for more mundane reasons involving salary caps and aging stars.Read more...

NASCAR wants the cars in its top-level Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series to not string out like a broken bracelet from a Walmart claw machine, and encourage actual side-by-side/back-and-forth racing. NASCAR will try to do that, in part, by taking its Cup Series cars from about 800 horsepower down to 550.

Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share.

AMARILLO, TEXAS—The Democratic candidate for Congress in the most Republican congressional district in America does not stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Ever. Nor does he wear an American flag lapel pin. Ever. He prefers a small golden pin of the Constitution, etched with the phrase “We The People.” “I don’t have…Read more...

By the time last night’s interminable NL wild card game was over, your memories of the contributions made by Rockies starting pitcher Kyle Freeland, a second-year player throwing on three days rest, may have understandably faded. A quick refresher: 6.2 innings, four hits, one walk, six strikeouts, and zero earned runs.

Hell yeah, hockey is back! After suffering through three months of sports that do not involve ice, and night after night of 90-degree temperatures with no A/C (though that one might just be me), the most beautiful and fun game in the world has returned to save you from five-hour ALDS games and lopsided Alabama…Read more...

Yesterday’s Aston Villa-Preston match was a thriller that ultimately ended in tragedy for the Villans. Though it must have hurt to watch the ball bulge the back of their net three times in the disappointing 3-3 draw, the spheroid that arguably caused Villa the deepest psychic injury was the head of cabbage an angry…Read more...

If size trumps features in your hierarchy of new TV needs, here’s as good a deal as you’ll see.

Gizmodo Man Chugs Erectile Dysfunction Drug, Ends Up With Permanently Red-Tinted Vision | Kotaku Super Mario Party: The Kotaku Review | Jalopnik Why Ultra-Low Mileage Classic Cars Are the Worst Cars to Own | Skillet Behold the Cheesy, Crispy Glory of the Frico Fried Egg | The Takeout Papa John’s founder John Schnatter…Read more...

The Athletics’ full plan for tonight’s AL wild card game was revealed not when Bob Melvin named reliever Liam Hendriks the starter—though Hendriks prefers the term “opener”—but when Mike Fiers, one of two true starters, was left off the roster for this game. That leaves only Edwin Jackson, and he’s there in case of…Read more...

What if your clothes could do more during the winter than just keeping body hit in. What if they actually generated heat of their own? That’s the promise of Flare, a new smart shirt from Blanc.

Some might remember Tuesday’s NL Wild Card game as classic, cagey postseason baseball. Others may describe it as a painfully slow and annoyingly long slog that lost all of its charm the very moment the ninth inning ended without one team ahead of the other. The luckiest among us will remember it as an event that…Read more...

The Cubs and Rockies refuse to settle this goddamn National League Wild Card game, which is now in the 13th inning. The Cubs had a good chance to end it in the bottom of the 11th, after Javy Baez advanced to second on a sacrifice bunt and the Rock men elected to intentionally walk Daniel Murphy with one out. With the…Read more...

You may have to squint hard to follow along on this one: The commissioner of an American sports league thanked the American president for helping to overturn a Canadian regulatory rule that forced a Canadian broadcaster to show American advertisements during the Super Bowl, which is the signature American sporting…Read more...

Things like this will not help to defeat the perception that second-year Hornets guard Malik Monk is destined to settle in as a J.R. Smith/Nick Young-style NBA eccentric:Read more...

Last September, Warriors then-rookie Jordan Bell shared a photo on Instagram from the balcony of his apartment in Oakland, which was sufficient for observant and/or obsessive Warriors fans to pinpoint exactly where he and his girlfriend were laying their heads. According to a report from The Mercury News, Bell picked…Read more...

Another lawsuit was filed earlier this week against USA Diving, saying the organization ignored repeated reports by multiple divers of ongoing sexual abuse by a coach. The lawsuit, filed in federal court, also names an Indiana club known as RipFest Diving, the man who oversaw that club, former Olympic diving coach…Read more...

Southampton beat Everton in the penalty kicks in third round of the EFL Cup this afternoon. This was in large part thanks to Everton forward Richarlison, who tried an ill-advised Neymar impression, short-circuited, and sent his penalty over the cross bar.Read more...

Ben Affleck has been having a hard time as of late, but I’d love to draw your attention to the fact that maybe, just maybe, things are turning around for him.

In a Monday article in the Hollywood Reporter by James Andrew Miller, a man who at all times knows what’s going on at ESPN precisely an hour after anyone cares, former ESPN personality Jemele Hill officially announced her plans for the future. Seeing as the chickenshits who run her old shop have been made afraid of…Read more...

Before the 2014 postseason, Rhea Butcher had barely watched baseball in the 21st century. It was the 1997 World Series that did it: Butcher was 15 when the Cleveland Indians, division champions for the third consecutive year, squandered an early Game 7 lead and lost to the Marlins in extra innings. The Fish became the…Read more...

There you are, enjoying a nice beverage at a sports betting bar in France, when—bam, there’s a horse in the damn establishment and it’s wrecking all your shit.

Today, we’re talking about Gritty, weddings, pissing in the woods, and more.

Charros, the Mexican gentlemen horsemen from whom mariachis take their suits, are arguably the original cowboy. The word chaps, for example, is said to come from the Spanish word chaparreras, mesteños from the Spanish for mustangs, and lasso is basically lazo with stodgier spelling.Read more...

Welcome to Ass Team Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the most butt teams the NFL has to offer.