Terrifying Halloween Assortment!
Well, I didn't have anything Halloween-related in the hopper this year, although in my defense I will say that it's usually not until a couple days after Halloween that the necessary reports become available. And I didn't have time to generate anything totally original because I've been too busy working on Halloween costumes. I was all set to show up at the White House dressed as George Papadopoulous so I could really scare the $&*% out of some people for once, but then I found out they did Halloween there on Monday. Typical. So, back to the drawing board.
Anyway, I did take the time to compile some of my past Halloween-related work, so hopefully that'll tide you over until we know who did what terrifyingly stupid things tonight.
First, a few alleged ghosts:
- "What You Need to Know About Haunted-House Law" (Oct. 30, 2015);
- "Michael Jackson's Ghost Testifies His Death Was an Accident" (June 16, 2013);
- "Millionaire Claims Ghosts Caused Him to Flee His Mortgage, I Mean Mansion" (Sept. 26, 2008);
- "'As a Matter of Law, the House is Haunted'" (Sept. 25, 2008) (the famous Stambovsky case); and
- "Undisclosed-Ghost Defense Asserted in Lease Case" (Sept. 9, 2005).
Second, a bunch of witches, most of them wrongly accused:
- "Accused Italian Cheese Witch May Get New Trial" (Oct. 16, 2015);
- "Witch Who Said Our Laws Do Not Apply to Her Turns Out to Be Wrong" (June 24, 2011);
- "Tax Fight Escalates as Romanian Witches Turn to Cat Excrement" (Jan. 12, 2011);
- "Renewed Witch-Regulation Bill Passes in Romania" (Jan. 3, 2011);
- "Witch Regulation Moving Forward In Russia" (Sept. 24, 2010);
- "Witches Screwed Again in Connecticut" (Apr. 4, 2008); see also this followup;
- "Witch Pardoned" (Aug. 29, 2008) (in Switzerland);
- "Virginia Governor Pardons Witch" (July 15, 2006) (in Virginia, obviously); and
- "Witchcraft Class Ruled Tax-Deductible" (Sept. 29, 2005) (the Netherlands).
Third, some assorted monsters:
- "Man Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against Vampires" (July 14, 2015);
- "President [of Argentina] Adopts Potential Werewolf" (Dec. 29, 2014);
- "Denver Citizens to Vote on Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission" (Nov. 1, 2010); and
- "D.A. Sticks With Witness Who Says He Sees Horned Aliens" (Oct. 20, 2006) (bonus Halloween points: involves the lawyer Bela Lugosi, Jr.);
And finally, these others here:
- "Again, Goodwill Does Not Accept Skull Donations" (Aug. 28, 2014) (third in a series);
- "Anybody Missing a Coffin Full of Weapons?" (May 10, 2014);
- "Why the Devil Quit Bothering Pigs, According to Justice Scalia" (Oct. 7, 2013) (more Biblical, really, but still);
- "More Fun With Jeremy Bentham" (June 4, 2013) (more specifically, his preserved corpse);
- "Everybody Here Is 'Oh My Gosh, You Got a Box of Heads'" (Jan. 15, 2013);
- "Two Charged With Halloween Robbery; Fairy Still at Large" (Nov. 7, 2012);
- "Halloween Breathalyzer Costume Results in What I Believe to Be Irony" (Nov. 2, 2009);
- "Orange-Jumpsuit Halloween Costume Causes Problems" (Nov. 2, 2006); and
- "Lawyer's Bin Laden Halloween Costume Not Popular" (Nov. 1, 2006).
Be careful out there.
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