Lowering the Bar

A request it has probably regretted making.Related StoriesO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityI Hereby Swear to Hate Henry Symeonis, Whoever That Is."

In this installment: stupid transit crimes, Darth Vader's management style, and it's overtime for the "ChiefsAholic."Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #167Assorted Stupidity #166Goodbye, 2024

We are in desperate need of more facts about this important case.

It actually wasn't the screaming, it was the choice to do it at 5:30 a.m.Related StoriesDragon Lawyer" Files Complaint With Cartoon DragonJudge Orders Lawyers to Have Lunch Together and Discuss How They Can Act Professionally"Attorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining Order

More sovereign-citizen nonsense.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of Necromancy

Sorry, a dragon in a *suit.* I should have been more clear.Related StoriesJudge Tells Lawyers to Apologize for Screaming at PhiladelphiaJudge Orders Lawyers to Have Lunch Together and Discuss How They Can Act Professionally"Attorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining Order

Unfortunately, he was.Related StoriesLawmaker Wants to Regulate Self-Checkout LanesGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a Gun

Or, at least, that seven is too many.Related StoriesIowa Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Protect Iowans from Shark Bites in IowaRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealIs It Legal to Import Sheep Testicles So You Can Breed Giant Alternative Livestock to Kill?

Well, the concept of a banana taped to a wall, at least.Related StoriesLOL, no," ExplainedLOL, no."

In this edition: things are getting stupider all the time.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #166Goodbye, 2024Assorted Stupidity #165

Unfortunately not to regulate them out of existence.Related StoriesCounsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?Guy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a Gun

Official state motto: We Squat Atop Missouri.Related StoriesHawaii Makes the Shaka Its Official State GestureDwarf Planet, Giant Slug

This one really is a "witch hunt."Related StoriesCourt: DA's Witchcraft Accusations Were a Bit Over the LineHouse Advertised as Not Haunted"Noodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-Summoner

Always funny.Related StoriesPuppet Master Turned Illegal Beagle Breeder Says He Ran Over Cops Because of Emotions"Sovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via Water

Not bad for the first session of the year.Related StoriesIowa Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Protect Iowans from Shark Bites in IowaAre Chemtrails Spreading Across the Country? No, But Goofy Chemtrail Legislation IsTennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't Exist

This is still considered bad form in the UK, apparently.Related StoriesWE DID IT!November Surprise! State Finally Releases RFK Jr.'s Falconry RecordsSo Sean Diddy" Combs Isn't Having a Great Year

And by "a bit" I mean so far over it that the line could no longer be seen by the naked eye.Related StoriesNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerPresident Threatened With WitchcraftWE DID IT!

His ex-wife will therefore not be required to support him in that endeavor (or any others).Related StoriesItalian Mom Gets Court Order to Evict Her Lazy Adult SonsCanadian Legal Alert: Canoeing Under the Influence Is Now Illegal

It was also Netflix's fault, he argued.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear Suit

It wasn't. But now it is.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealAlleged Tax Dodger Says It's a Legitimate Snail-Farming Operation"RFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For Now

Can't be too careful.Related StoriesTennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't ExistFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Smoke Bombs, Flares Liven Up Parliament Session

The lunch report they filed suggests all went well.Related StoriesAttorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining OrderReminder: Lawyers Should Try Not to Sleep Through Important Aspects of Trial"

In this edition: other ways not to flee from police, some stuff about monkeys, and a few other time-wasters.Related StoriesGoodbye, 2024Assorted Stupidity #165Woman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO Sauce

May be holding show trials in food court.Related StoriesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in VirginiaBar Wants Fake Lawyer Prosecuted Even Though He (Reportedly) Won All His CasesI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for Speeding

You sucked.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #166Assorted Stupidity #165Woman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO Sauce

Do not mess with him.

Just another day in the land of the sovereign.Related StoriesMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear SuitThe Prisoner Formerly Known as Nicholas Rossi Finally Admits He Lied About His Identity

Just the latest roundup of failed attempts.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear SuitThe Prisoner Formerly Known as Nicholas Rossi Finally Admits He Lied About His Identity

I have mixed emotions about this.Related StoriesTribunal Dismisses Hotpot-Based Marital-Status-Discrimination Claim

So did the California Department of Insurance.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterThe Prisoner Formerly Known as Nicholas Rossi Finally Admits He Lied About His Identity

In this edition: stuff.Related StoriesWoman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO SauceAssorted Stupidity #164Assorted Stupidity #163

I give you the future Secretary and Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services and Falconry.Related StoriesNovember Surprise! State Finally Releases RFK Jr.'s Falconry RecordsRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealSo Sean Diddy" Combs Isn't Having a Great Year

And they are bogus.Related StoriesWE DID IT!RFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealSo Sean Diddy" Combs Isn't Having a Great Year

You can't prove it is! (Or that it isn't.)Related StoriesNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-Summoner

Also an update on the battle for his falconry records.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Falconry FollowupRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry License

Now says he was afraid Rhode Island legislators wanted to kill him.Related StoriesCourt Orders Martin Shkreli to Hand Over His Wu-Tang Clan Album (Again)Mother Teresa Pleads Guilty to Ponzi SchemeGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?

Even if it were, would you travel to get them if it meant flying on Turkish Airlines?Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"RFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry License

Though the gesture and its meaning remain a little ambiguous.Related StoriesDwarf Planet, Giant SlugAlabama Names Official State CookieBill Would Establish Official State Aroma

An officer concluded the substance on a spoon was crystal meth. It wasn't.Related StoriesCease-and-Desist Letter Fails to Prevent Competing World Naked Bike Ride"Assorted Stupidity #164Assorted Stupidity #163

Wasn't trying to stop the nudity, just use of a similar name.Related StoriesWoman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO SauceFour David Sosas File Brief in Support of FifthCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?

Is this the first snail-farming tax-exemption case ever? Nope.Related StoriesRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerAlleged Somerset Gimp" Ordered Not to Wriggle or Writhe in Public

Nor should he be.Related StoriesO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowBubble-Blower Charged With Littering Prohibited Fluids"

The battle continues.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry LicenseRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowJudge Rejects RFK Jr.'s Claim to Be New York Resident, Despite Valid State Falconry License

They usually won't yield to any pedestrian, research shows.

In this edition: Tom Girardi loses; what sure looks like medical malpractice; what might be magical malpractice; and a very dangerous chess player.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #163Assorted Stupidity #162Assorted Stupidity #161

Is it too early to call this a coverup? Well, yes, but stay tuned.Related StoriesSuspended-License Case: More Complicated, Not Less DumbNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into Eternity

This aggression will not stand, man.Related StoriesGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into Eternity

He should have to give up that smirk, too, but I suppose there are First Amendment issues there.Related StoriesMother Teresa Pleads Guilty to Ponzi SchemeGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?Nicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in Utah

He probably won't admit this was the reason, but we know the truth.Related StoriesJudge Rejects RFK Jr.'s Claim to Be New York Resident, Despite Valid State Falconry LicenseMan Pleads Guilty to Handling Salmon Under Suspicious CircumstancesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in Virginia

If you can believe that.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry LicenseMan Pleads Guilty to Handling Salmon Under Suspicious CircumstancesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in Virginia