Lowering the Bar

It remains to be seen ... but maybe.Related StoriesYet More Aquatic Escape AttemptsSea-Cucumber Abuser to Be Moved Far From the Sea for a Long Period of Time"Many Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via Water

Please appeal again.Related StoriesCourt: Complaint That Spends 79 Pages Praising the Client Shall Be RewrittenStill No Lawsuit Against the Fake Colombian Basketball TeamAlleged de Armas Fans Get Nothing in Misleading-Trailer Lawsuit

The lawyer who threw the shoe was reportedly suspended before the day was out.Related StoriesDictator Reportedly Bans Treasonous" Hot Dogs

Not the "short and plain statement" Rule 8 requires, and also irritating.Related StoriesDragon Lawyer" Files Complaint With Cartoon DragonNirvana Beats Former Baby's Lawsuit (Again)Judge Tells Lawyers to Apologize for Screaming at Philadelphia

In which I note recent developments in cases previously certified as stupid.

In this edition: "I'm an AG" fails to impress, some shady deals, another thing not to use AI for, and other stuff.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #169Assorted Stupidity #168Assorted Stupidity #167

This may be the only thing that Texas and Canada have in common.Related StoriesSea-Cucumber Abuser to Be Moved Far From the Sea for a Long Period of Time"Husband's Disability Claim Undermined by Evidence of Repeated Sasquatch Hunts

People show no signs of stopping, even though these show no signs of working.Related StoriesSea-Cucumber Abuser to Be Moved Far From the Sea for a Long Period of Time"Many Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterWater-Escape-Attempt Roundup

Maybe not literally, but still.

By a Utah jury, following extradition from Scotland.Related StoriesSea-Cucumber Abuser to Be Moved Far From the Sea for a Long Period of Time"Defendant Recruited Seven Actors to Testify" in Fraud TrialArsonist Reportedly on Fire

There was probably at least some writing this bad, but it may have been lost.Related StoriesPlease Do Your Best Not to Appear in the AI Hallucination Database"Man Forced to Concede His Lawyer Is Not a Real Person"Counsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?

Is somebody practing for the big day?Related StoriesJustice Harlan on Dirty Movies: By Jove! Extraordinary!"Counsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?Lawmaker Wants to Regulate Self-Checkout Lanes

Sea cucumbers would breathe a sigh of relief, if they had lungs.Related StoriesCan You Get a DUI in a Barbie Jeep? Again, YesYet More Aquatic Escape AttemptsAlleged Irish Orphan Convicted of Being American Rapist

"Are you a real lawyer?" one of them asked defense counsel.Related StoriesAlleged Irish Orphan Convicted of Being American RapistArsonist Reportedly on FirePuppet Master Turned Illegal Beagle Breeder Says He Ran Over Cops Because of Emotions"

In this edition: pants on fire, complaints about press coverage, a bumbling treason attempt, and somebody wants a measly $1 trillion.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #168Assorted Stupidity #167Assorted Stupidity #166

Great Odin's Raven!Related StoriesU.S. Supreme Court, 1795: FYI, You Guys Should Be Filing BriefsConstitution DeletedRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency Appeal

An "underground network" of unauthorized beaver releasers is at work.Related StoriesIs It Legal to Import Sheep Testicles So You Can Breed Giant Alternative Livestock to Kill?Sea-Cucumber Abuser to Be Moved Far From the Sea for a Long Period of Time"I Will at Least Concede That Nobody Needs More Than One Emotional-Support Tiger

Not much intelligence was displayed here, artificial or otherwise.Related StoriesPlease Do Your Best Not to Appear in the AI Hallucination Database"Real Live Flesh and Blood Man" Still Subject to Australian LawCounsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?

Even in Kentucky the assault charge isn't going to stick.

Your clients would also prefer not to be named here.Related StoriesMan Forced to Concede His Lawyer Is Not a Real Person"Counsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?Hawaii Makes the Shaka Its Official State Gesture

It may cover other things too, things that also are not "emergencies."Related StoriesSmoke Bombs, Flares Liven Up Parliament SessionIowa Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Protect Iowans from Shark Bites in IowaIs It Legal to Import Sheep Testicles So You Can Breed Giant Alternative Livestock to Kill?

A request it has probably regretted making.Related StoriesO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityI Hereby Swear to Hate Henry Symeonis, Whoever That Is."

In this installment: stupid transit crimes, Darth Vader's management style, and it's overtime for the "ChiefsAholic."Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #167Assorted Stupidity #166Goodbye, 2024

We are in desperate need of more facts about this important case.

It actually wasn't the screaming, it was the choice to do it at 5:30 a.m.Related StoriesDragon Lawyer" Files Complaint With Cartoon DragonJudge Orders Lawyers to Have Lunch Together and Discuss How They Can Act Professionally"Attorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining Order

More sovereign-citizen nonsense.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of Necromancy

Sorry, a dragon in a *suit.* I should have been more clear.Related StoriesJudge Tells Lawyers to Apologize for Screaming at PhiladelphiaJudge Orders Lawyers to Have Lunch Together and Discuss How They Can Act Professionally"Attorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining Order

Unfortunately, he was.Related StoriesLawmaker Wants to Regulate Self-Checkout LanesGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a Gun

Or, at least, that seven is too many.Related StoriesIowa Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Protect Iowans from Shark Bites in IowaRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealIs It Legal to Import Sheep Testicles So You Can Breed Giant Alternative Livestock to Kill?

Well, the concept of a banana taped to a wall, at least.Related StoriesLOL, no," ExplainedLOL, no."

In this edition: things are getting stupider all the time.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #166Goodbye, 2024Assorted Stupidity #165

Unfortunately not to regulate them out of existence.Related StoriesCounsel, Would You Be Surprised to Learn This Case Does Not Exist?Guy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a Gun

Official state motto: We Squat Atop Missouri.Related StoriesHawaii Makes the Shaka Its Official State GestureDwarf Planet, Giant Slug

This one really is a "witch hunt."Related StoriesCourt: DA's Witchcraft Accusations Were a Bit Over the LineHouse Advertised as Not Haunted"Noodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-Summoner

Always funny.Related StoriesPuppet Master Turned Illegal Beagle Breeder Says He Ran Over Cops Because of Emotions"Sovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via Water

Not bad for the first session of the year.Related StoriesIowa Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Protect Iowans from Shark Bites in IowaAre Chemtrails Spreading Across the Country? No, But Goofy Chemtrail Legislation IsTennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't Exist

This is still considered bad form in the UK, apparently.Related StoriesWE DID IT!November Surprise! State Finally Releases RFK Jr.'s Falconry RecordsSo Sean Diddy" Combs Isn't Having a Great Year

And by "a bit" I mean so far over it that the line could no longer be seen by the naked eye.Related StoriesNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerPresident Threatened With WitchcraftWE DID IT!

His ex-wife will therefore not be required to support him in that endeavor (or any others).Related StoriesItalian Mom Gets Court Order to Evict Her Lazy Adult SonsCanadian Legal Alert: Canoeing Under the Influence Is Now Illegal

It was also Netflix's fault, he argued.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear Suit

It wasn't. But now it is.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealAlleged Tax Dodger Says It's a Legitimate Snail-Farming Operation"RFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For Now

Can't be too careful.Related StoriesTennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't ExistFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Smoke Bombs, Flares Liven Up Parliament Session

The lunch report they filed suggests all went well.Related StoriesAttorney Held Not Quite Annoying Enough for Restraining OrderReminder: Lawyers Should Try Not to Sleep Through Important Aspects of Trial"

In this edition: other ways not to flee from police, some stuff about monkeys, and a few other time-wasters.Related StoriesGoodbye, 2024Assorted Stupidity #165Woman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO Sauce

May be holding show trials in food court.Related StoriesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in VirginiaBar Wants Fake Lawyer Prosecuted Even Though He (Reportedly) Won All His CasesI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for Speeding

You sucked.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #166Assorted Stupidity #165Woman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO Sauce

Do not mess with him.

Just another day in the land of the sovereign.Related StoriesMany Still Insist on Trying to Flee Authorities via WaterInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear SuitThe Prisoner Formerly Known as Nicholas Rossi Finally Admits He Lied About His Identity

Just the latest roundup of failed attempts.Related StoriesSovereign Citizens Convicted of Trying to Kidnap Coroner They Accused of NecromancyInsurer Thinks Bear Shown in Video Trashing Car Looks a Lot Like a Guy in a Bear SuitThe Prisoner Formerly Known as Nicholas Rossi Finally Admits He Lied About His Identity

I have mixed emotions about this.Related StoriesTribunal Dismisses Hotpot-Based Marital-Status-Discrimination Claim