Article 3PDQ9 Boardroom Begins To Quake As Black-Eyed CEO Announces Vision For Future Of Company

Boardroom Begins To Quake As Black-Eyed CEO Announces Vision For Future Of Company

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The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Oni
from The Onion on (#3PDQ9)
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LOS ANGELES-According to terrified witnesses, the whole boardroom of Capstone Marketing Insights began to quake violently Friday as CEO Matt Petersen's eyes turned an inky black and his voice dropped an octave while announcing a new, video-centered vision for the company. Calling it a "necessary pivot" and "an"

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