Life after loneliness: ‘I felt desolate, invisible, panicky – then I gave up my PhD and got my life back’

I felt the world had begun to look through me, as if I was made of air. When I decided to give up my plan for the future I immediately felt released

I was 22 and set on a certain path. A postgraduate student, I was doing a master's at a gender centre, and writing a dissertation about a group of French feminist philosophers. It felt like exciting, important work. Prof Mary Evans - an inspiring gender studies scholar - was overseeing the course and she encouraged me to apply for a PhD. My future, it seemed, was set in stone.

Then I started to feel panicky at the library, where I was spending long hours on my own. I felt both claustrophobic and agoraphobic at once, which made no sense - so I just pushed those feelings away. Then they started to creep up on me in other public places. I remember being in a cafe with a friend and becoming choked by the noise around me. I rushed out into the street, sucking at the air - only to feel panicked about being alone.