A Few Things to Know Before Stealing My Porsche 914
owl writes:
https://www.hagerty.com/media/advice/a-few-things-to-know-before-you-steal-my-914/
Dear Thief,
Welcome to my Porsche 914. I imagine that at this point (having found the door unlocked) your intention is to steal my car. Don't be encouraged by this; the tumblers sheared-off in 1978. I would have locked it up if I could, so don't think you're too clever or that I'm too lazy. However, now that you're in the car, there are a few things you're going to need to know. First, the battery is disconnected, so slide-hammering my ignition switch is not your first step. I leave the battery disconnected, not to foil hoodlums such as yourself, but because there is a mysterious current drain from the 40-year-old German wiring harness that I can't locate and/or fix. So, connect the battery first. Good luck finding the engine cover release. Or the engine, for that matter.
Now, you can skip your slide hammer. The ignition switch's tumblers are so worn that any flat-bladed screwdriver or pair of scissors will do. Don't tell anyone.
Once you've figured that out and try to start the car, you'll run into some trouble. The car is most likely in reverse gear, given that the parking brake cable froze up sometime during the Carter administration. Since there is not a clutch safety switch on the starting circuit, make sure to press the clutch down before you try to crank the engine. (I don't want you running into my other car in the driveway.) This is doubly necessary because my starter is too weak to crank the clutch-transmission input shaft assembly with any success.
Read on - I enjoyed the laugh!
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