The Science of Attraction: Why Do We Fall for Certain People?
hubie writes:
Could it mean we're judging those who aren't like us too harshly?
Sometimes life's most meaningful relationships grow from the briefest of connections. Like when you go to a party and meet someone wearing your favorite band's T-shirt, or who laughs at the same jokes as you, or who grabs that unpopular snack you alone (or so you thought) love. One small, shared interest sparks a conversation-that's my favorite, too!-and blossoms into lasting affection.
This is called the similarity-attraction effect: we generally like people who are like us. Now, new findings from a Boston University researcher have uncovered one reason why.
In a series of studies, Charles Chu, a BU Questrom School of Business assistant professor of management and organizations, tested the conditions that shape whether we feel attracted to-or turned off by-each other. He found one crucial factor was what psychologists call self-essentialist reasoning, where people imagine they have some deep inner core or essence that shapes who they are. Chu discovered that when someone believes an essence drives their interests, likes, and dislikes, they assume it's the same for others, too; if they find someone with one matching interest, they reason that person will share their broader worldview. [...]
[...] But Chu's research suggests this rush to embrace an indefinable, fundamental similarity with someone because of one or two shared interests may be based on flawed thinking-and that it could restrict who we find a connection with. Working alongside the pull of the similarity-attraction effect is a countering push: we dislike those who we don't think are like us, often because of one small thing-they like that politician, or band, or book, or TV show we loathe.
"We are all so complex," says Chu. "But we only have full insight into our own thoughts and feelings, and the minds of others are often a mystery to us. What this work suggests is that we often fill in the blanks of others' minds with our own sense of self and that can sometimes lead us into some unwarranted assumptions."
[...] "When you hear a single fact or opinion being expressed that you either agree or disagree with, it really warrants taking an additional breath and just slowing down," he says. "Not necessarily taking that single piece of information and extrapolating on it, using this type of thinking to go to the very end, that this person is fundamentally good and like me or fundamentally bad and not like me."
[...] But in a time when political division has invaded just about every sphere of our lives, including workplaces, the applications of Chu's findings go way beyond corporate horse trading. Managing staff, collaborating on projects, team bonding-all are shaped by the judgments we make about each other. Self-essentialist reasoning may even influence society's distribution of resources, says Chu: who we consider worthy of support, who gets funds and who doesn't, could be driven by "this belief that people's outcomes are caused by something deep inside of them." That's why he advocates pushing pause before judging someone who, at first blush, doesn't seem like you.
"There are ways for us to go through life and meet other people, and form impressions of other people, without constantly referencing ourselves," he says. "If we're constantly going around trying to figure out, who's like me, who's not like me?, that's not always the most productive way of trying to form impressions of other people. People are a lot more complex than we give them credit for."
Journal Reference:
Charles Chu and Brian S. Lowery, Self-Essentialist Reasoning Underlies the Similarity-Attraction Effect, PSPI, 2023. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000425
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