UnitedHealthcare CEO Killed

by
The Onion Staff
from The Onion on (#6SQW2)

Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealth's insurance unit, was fatally shot outside a Midtown Manhattan hotel in what police described as a brazen" targeted attack by a gunman lying in wait for him. What do you think?

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Yet another reason not to become too important at your job."

Elias Byne, Garlic Crusher
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You come for our CEOs, you're coming for all of us."

Muhammed Khalil, Bakery Consultant
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Quick! Everyone get whatever surgery you need while they're distracted!"

Sophie Rudin, Espionage Trainee

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