Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland

President-elect Donald Trump has expressed his interest in buying Greenland, an idea he first floated back in 2019. The Onion examines the pros and cons of the U.S. acquiring the country.

PRO: New Indigenous people to wrong

CON: Feels immoral to do anything that makes the Danes richer

PRO: Would increase domestic supply of ice caps to melt

CON: Full of foreigners

PRO: Would make Alaska jealous

CON: The Great American Melting Pot is still adjusting to the Scots-Irish

PRO: Can finally sate America's appetite for pickled fish

CON: 51 stars is a little gaudy, don't you think?

PRO: Immigrant camps have to go somewhere

CON: Vacation to Greenland no longer considered exotic

PRO: USA! USA! USA!

CON: Bjork from Iceland

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