Department Of Education Sternly Announces It Is Counting To 3

WASHINGTON-Insisting they were serious this time as they addressed all 340 million Americans, officials with the U.S. Department of Education sternly announced Thursday that they were counting to three. All right, we're not playing around here, guys-you do not want to see what happens when we get to three," department spokesperson Ella Reiss said during a press conference, rapidly switching the lights on and off in the briefing room and then snapping several times to get the country's full attention. Darryl Fulbright of Akron, OH, we see you there! Don't even think of it, mister. Fine, fine! You asked for it. One...two...two and a half..." At press time, the Department of Education was reportedly drawing a tally mark next to the country's name and saying it was on very thin ice.

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